Ready to Set Sail

Instead of me going to the port - the port has come to me. I'm physically ready to sail towards chemo.

I know this was considered a minor surgery but it wasn't to me. I don't think anyone wants to be put under for surgery. I am no exception. It was hard falling asleep last night.

I'll give you a play by play again (from what I can remember).

My wonderful guy once again was there each step of the way. I'm so thankful for each minute he has traveled this road with me. I'm sure the climb gets hard for him too.

We arrived at the hospital and checked in. While we were waiting to be called to the prep area my surgeon walked in. I asked her if she had already completed her first surgery (it was 7:30 am) and she said the patient had just showed up. I expressed that because I was already there I should be allowed to go first. Waiting for me is right up there with being patient. I guess they follow in the same category. I still had to be her second surgery.

I was blessed again to have one of the sweetest nurses. She is a friend of the Forrester's. We were only there about 15 minutes when my friend Cheryl showed up. She wasn't working and had only came in to help me before surgery. I can't tell you how many times I silently thought that I hoped she could be there (thanks God for taking it as a prayer). I know she doesn't work on Wednesdays. I knew if I had asked her to come she would. I felt such love knowing she made the effort to come. Cheryl has no idea what that meant or did for me. She also came bearing gifts. A book, a bookmark, and lots of chocolate (we'll say those were for Jim).

Dr. W came to see me before the surgery. As soon as she looked at me and held my hand I started to cry. I told her I didn't want to have the surgery. She told me that this surgery was nothing compared to the mastectomy. I told her I knew I had to have the surgery but that this one was harder for me. I explained that by having the mastectomy I was getting the cancer out. Now, with inserting the port it only confirms that I will be having chemo. I just still can't believe this is happening. Dr. W was so comforting. Cheryl pulled the curtain so Dr. W, Cheryl, Margie (my nurse), and Jim could pray for me. How many patients get that opportunity? Maybe a lot? I'm so thankful I was given this privilege.

My surgery nurse came to get. I liked her right away because she pronounced my legal name correctly. This time they didn't give me the happy juice before being wheeled into the surgery room (and there was no party music going - bummer). I had to be awake when they tied my legs down. Just in that act I thought I might lose it. I stared at the lights for what seemed like a lifetime. It probably was less than a few minutes. They must have put something in the IV because I don't even remember a mask going on. Once again my surgery was only 5 minutes (smile). OK it was more like an hour.

As soon as I woke up in recovery I told them I had to go to the bathroom. They told me that I would be going to the outpatient area soon and could go then. I told the nurse I couldn't wait (the bladder surgery I'm sure is in the near future). They got me a bed pan - not easy for women to use. I was able to go, and go, and go. I was getting scared that I might fill the thing up. When the nurse came she said, "You really did have to go. It's almost filled." My response, "I told you so."

I was only in the outpatient recovery area for a half hour. Dr. W stopped by to tell us that Dr. M was around so we might see him. I asked her if we saw him could I have him fill my expanders. She thought he could until we realized he wouldn't have his widget to find the expander ports. Dr. W stayed for a short time to visit before her next surgery. She told us her next patient was undergoing a mastectomy and was terrified. Doc said if I wasn't still so out of it due to the anesthesia she would have had me talk to her. I've prayed for her all day. I don't know her name but God does. My heart just hurts for her.

I had been praying for months about where God wanted to use me for His service. I was recently listening to a podcast with Brian Houston, a pastor at Hills Songs in Australia. The title was "Use What Is In Your Hands." He spoke about in your hands is your calling - the gifts God has given you. What's in your heart is your purpose - what you are to use your calling towards. My heart at this moment is for those women who come behind me with breast cancer. I pray God will use my hands and heart to help other women.

OK - I got off the play by play.

Jim brought me home around Noon. I slept off and on for the first four hours. I have very little pain or discomfort. I'm thankful my left arm is getting back in shape because now the right arm is inhibited. Not bad but enough to be a bother.

Ashley was a huge help. After Katie's band practice her and Ashley went Geocaching, which is a high tech treasure hunt. You'll have to research it out yourself. I have no idea how to explain it. I just know there are things hidden in various locations within cities. The girls were able to find two. After they picked Matt up from school they went out again this time with Jim and Matt. I was told Matt wasn't enjoying it too much. There was one located by the fire station. They got out to check it out but someone started coming out of the station so they jumped back in the car. Jim started to drive off not realizing Ashley wasn't all the way in the car yet. He wasn't going very fast. They laughed about it.

The true laughs have been about my speech impairment due to the anesthesia and pain pills. I called my sister Ashley - Aunt Jazz. My sentences don't make any sense. I'm making sure someone reads this before I publish it. I know I kept typing "fort" instead of "port". I already have a speech problem on a normal day of the week. I'm just glad I wasn't at work so they couldn't add any more words to my personal pronunciation dictionary.

We had a short visit from Jim's parents and then Ashley, Katie, and I watched the movie Fireproof (I personally really liked it). My sister and I have a tradition of watching chick flicks when she stays over. Now Katie has joined us. We'll get in a couple more before she goes home. We didn't play Canasta today because she would have an undo advantage. I'll try and beat her tomorrow.

Once again I thank you for your prayers. I thought I would close with the words on my bookmark that Cheryl gave me.

What Cancer Cannot Take From You (Me)

It cannot take your (my) faith

shutter your (my) hope or lessen your (my) love.

It cannot destroy (my) true friendships

invade the (my) soul or take away (my) eternal life.

It cannot conquer your (my) spirit.