Day 13

It took 13 days...(pause)...until my hair began to fall out.

I was told that I had 10 to 14. I planned on day 9 to have it shaved off so I wouldn't have to experience it actually coming out. That was my plan - my way of having just a little bit of control with the chemo. My plan didn't work and God showed me something much better.

Yesterday, as I was reading my Bible I came across a scripture that just jumped out to me. It was just different. It was in one of the last writings of David - a Psalm of Thanksgiving. 2 Samuel 22:30b - "By my God I can leap over a wall." I realized this morning that losing my hair wasn't just a hurdle. I had hit a wall.

Last night the pain was awful. I felt like I had a migraine at every inch of my skull. It didn't seem fair to conquer the fever, to be left with such pain. Two were unrelated. My spirits felt defeated. The chemo won again. When I woke up I was afraid to touch my hair because I wasn't sure what would happen. I knew only a very loving hairdresser would accept a frantic text to help at 7:00 am. A second text was sent to Kellie (not sure if she's awake at this time) to let her know what was happening. The only way I could prevent pure panic was to read my Bible and wait to hear back from Jacki. It was during that time that I remembered yesterday's verse. It didn't say that I would hit the wall. It didn't say that I would have to painlessly climb over the wall. It said I would leap over it - not by myself or in my own strength - but "By Him." I took a deep breath and trusted.

Kel was right on helping and arranged her hairdresser to help, just in case I couldn't get a hold of Jacki. Thankfully, Jacki rearranged her schedule and came to work just to help me. Kellie rearranged her schedule to come just to support me. They were both perfect for a very difficult situation. There were no tears (even though I covered my eyes a few times). There was much laughter. Not only did Jacki shear my locks, she also styled my wigs.

I learned a valuable lesson. You get what you pay for. My so desired Jacklyn Smith wig was not the best quality. It will probably not leave the house. My other wig was much better but probably isn't something I would wear all the time - it's a little too blond. So...Jim and Katie have volunteered to take me out shopping again. I know Katie is questioning my ability to choose something suitable. A typical teenage girl (even though she technical isn't a teen - she's one).

I would love Kel to have the opportunity to blog the experience regarding our time once we got home. We gave Katelynn a fashion show by showing both wigs, and several scarves. Kellie got the giggles that turned straight into hysterics - something about Aunt Jemima and Hot Dog on a Stick. I thought for sure she would pee her pants. You just had to be there but I am so glad you weren't!

My family has been great. I only showed Jim my shaved head - I'm not ready to show the kids. Not that I wanted to show Jim. My eyes welled up when I did, but he, as always, is so loving and encouraging. I couldn't wait to take the wig off and put on a scarf. All of this will take a lot of getting used to. I'm so grateful for the family I have. They allow me to get through this on my terms, knowing I am always considering how they are handling it.

I'm on the other side of the wall. And, yes, I leaped! Only by my God.