Old Scars

It's funny how old scars can cause so much pain. I'm not trying to be poetic, I'm actually talking about a real, 22 year old scar. Twenty-two years ago I had to have a birthmark removed because it has began to grow and my doctor felt it was best to remove it. Never did I think I would be so concerned about it 22 years later. Well, my port had to be placed near the location of the scar and now the scar is stretching, pulling, and burning. Is nothing ever easy for me? I have no idea how this will effect my reconstruction process. I don't think the skin can take too much more. I feel like I go two steps forward and three steps back. I used to tell Matt when he was very young that the scar was from a shark attack (you should have seen his eyes). It's starting to look like it was a great white attack! I'm just praying it will heal quickly before my first chemo treatment.

I'm not sure if the worst is behind me or in front of me. I received the phone call today that my chemo treatment starts Thursday, Feb. 12th. When I got off the phone I was physically shaking. I felt as if my body was going into shock. There isn't a day that I can believe I'm really going through this. So much, so quickly.

I am so thankful that my sister was able to visit and help out the last several days. I already miss her. Katelynn commented that she wished she had a sister. I wish she did too because there is nothing sweeter than having a sister like I do. This was the perfect week for Ashley to be here because Katie had her first band performance. Last week Ashley just completed her student teaching as a music teacher. Ash took Katie to all of her practices this week and then was able to see her performance (Jim's mom came too). The band played two songs at Barnes & Noble to help with a fundraiser for the school. We were so proud of her.

Ashley helped me get set up on Facebook (I had a whole list of things we needed to do together). I'm not too sure about it yet, but it has connected me to some high school friends and my very dear friend Corine. I had lost contact with her once returning from New Zealand. So, if any of you are looking for old friends - this is the place to look. I can't promise you how long I will hang in there with it. I'll give it a good try. It's probably the introvert in me - I just like my privacy. Well...maybe not...I guess that went out the window when I started this blog.

I'm hoping for a relaxing weekend because next week will be full. I'm going to a American Cancer Society meeting on Monday, having my PET Scan on Tuesday, starting the steroid medication on Wednesday (the no sleep night), and having chemo on Thursday. I've heard my weekend might not be so good either. I keep saying, "We won't know, until we know."

The only thing I am sure of is that God will be with me. In the dark, lonely hours, He is with me. He will give me strength. He will give me peace. He will even bring me joy. He's collecting my tears to pour over the new garden of my life. There will be a day of celebration. There is HOPE! Today, I'm just hanging on tight and desperately trying to rest in His hands.