Packing My Bag Again

No, I'm not moving out, I'm just getting ready for my chemo treatment tomorrow.

It's number 5! Now, the one thing I hate hearing is, "You only have two more." I actually heard today, "You only have one more to go." My response was, "I haven't even gotten through tomorrow yet." The next five days are miserable, and I can actually say the next 15 days may be miserable too. I continue to hope they won't.

Saturday I began feeling much better - it was my best day! Sunday was an up and down day. I experienced unusual nausea and a lot of pain. Jim's parents stopped by so it was nice visiting with them. They have been very busy going daily to the hospital for Jim's grandmother. It has been a very difficult time for all involved. Each time they say their goodbyes she has rallied back. As of today, she is in a rehab hospital slowly improving - very slowly. I know Jim's parents wanted to be here more helping with me and the kids, but it just wasn't meant to be. In the evening I even got a call from my Mum. Our families have tried to be so supportive.

Monday, I had a cleaning company come in and thoroughly clean every part of our house. I was horrified to know they even cleaned under the couch cushions (scary thought). When they left I had felt a burden lifted off of me. I just haven't been able to keep up. It's been since December since I've cleaned my baseboards, the fans, the blinds, etc. It's so nice having a clean house. Shortly after they left, my dad stopped by from his way home from a camping trip. We had a nice visit and it was nice not having to go check to make sure the bathroom was clean. Little joys in life.

I also want to mention that my mom calls several times a week to check on me. She has recovered from her broken shoulder (thank you for your prayers). She is back to driving, but I haven't seen her lately. Due to her MS she is unable to be around people who are sick, and we have no idea if she is at risk when I'm running a fever.

Monday evening I was able to work on the One Thing blog. I've been retyping past writings - nothing was saved when our laptop crashed. My goal is to get one posted once a week. I think it's been more like once a month. I'm sorry for those who have been waiting patiently. I'm getting there and it has been very good to be writing - it keeps my focus on where it needs to be. Right now I have four I've retyped and am revising, so hopefully even if I'm having a difficult week, I will still be able to get one posted.

Tuesday, was a very, very busy day. Jim took me to see my plastic surgeon, and yes, he was surprised at the incision. He said if he had seen it last week he would have lanced it. I would have been right where I started from, so I'm glad I was too sick to drive to Fashion Island in Orange County. He says if the incision opens he wants to do surgery right away and remove the expander. After seeing the surgeon, we were off to the oncologist. She was very glad that the surgeon hadn't lanced it. At the moment it looks like the body is absorbing the fluid, which is a very good sign. It's what happens during my next treatment that everyone is concerned about. Only the next several days will tell - we've learned that through day 7 through day 14 seems to do the most damage.

My count was down again, but still in normal range. I asked if I could go and visit those at work. I wasn't able to see everyone and I made sure I brought in some cookies - even if they were store bought. I missed my donut day and it has been known for grounds for dismissal, so I was trying to stay in their good graces. It's just a great group of people. I can't wait to get back. It will probably be a bigger transition than I think. Someday, I'll have to write about how God brought me there. It's really a great story. God has taught me about His provision and His sovereignty through this job. I left with a smile on my face.

I decided if I was on my way home I would stop and fill the new prescription for antibiotics that I was given. In the last six months, I've probably only been off antibiotics for 14 days total. It has caused other complications. Anyways, as I was waiting, I thought because I'm in the grocery store I would do a little shopping to help Jim. I think it's only been my second time in the store in six months. I called Jim and told him I felt like an alien. The shopping wasn't the difficult part (and yes I used my hand sanitizer several times). What I forgot about is that I had to put the groceries in the car (I'm too proud to ask for help) and then I had to bring them in the house, and then I had to put them away. Now, you have to remember this was after two doctor appointments, going to work, and now shopping. I was exhausted. To top it off, I decided to make a new recipe for dinner. I was supposed to go with Jim to a football meeting to meet Matt's new football coach, but I honestly couldn't move. It was for the best. Jim says there were a lot of people there and he wouldn't have wanted me around them. My doctor continue to tells me I shouldn't be around anyone sick - how do you ever know? I'm just trying to make the best decisions, and when I'm not sure - Jim makes them for me.

Today, I started my steroids and tried to stay busy. Katelynn had to have spacers put in for her braces next week. She has been miserable all day and I've tried to help in any way. I told her she is allowed to have shakes and ice cream as much as she wants. Jim stopped and got her KFC mash potatoes and that helped too. When I watched her in so much pain, crying, I instantly realized how Jim must feel when he watches and cares for me. I wish none of us has to see each other go through pain. I realize it's just not going to happen this side of heaven.

My friend Sheryl sent me a verse that has ministered to me all day. It's one I love, but unfortunately my mind isn't doing well at recalling scriptures. Thank you Sheryl for being obedient in sending it.

It was Isaiah 43:1b-3a: (I love this whole chapter and encourage you to read it)
"Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by your name; You are Mine. When you pass THROUGH the waters, I will be with you; and THROUGH the rivers, they shall not overflow you. When you walk THROUGH the fire, you shall not be burned, nor shall the flame scorch you. For I am the LORD your God;"

I have to go THROUGH chemo two more times. No other way around it. He knows what I am going through and there is no doubt that I know He is with me. I have felt Him. Even as I have faced so many complications and difficulties I have never doubted that He is with me, nor do I believe He will ever leave me. Notice the verse didn't say "if" you go through these challenges, it says "when." I'm glad He didn't just list one challenge either. It helps me understand that some journeys have multiple difficulties. I guess we have seen that my journey is no exception. I do believe I will make it to His destination. It might not be as I expected, yet I believe there is a blessing at the end. I want to share another verse that Jean reminded me of this morning (thank goodness for friends who know my brain in fading).

Hebrews 11:6 - But without faith it is impossible to please Him, for he who comes to God must believe He is, and that He is a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him.

It has been a faith journey.

As you'll recall it's difficult to sleep tonight because of the steroids. I have so many to pray for this evening, and I thank you that you continue to be faithful to pray for me. He knows my fears and I know He'll hear our prayers.