A Long Week

It's been a long week or at least it felt that way. Jim said, "This has been the hardest week since this whole thing started." I have to agree.

We did figure out the Neupogen injections were causing the headaches and back spasms. It'll be something I'll just have to endure for the next two treatments. The blood work came back showing no infection in the blood, which they tell me is good. I just wish it had a GPS to tell you exactly where the infection was in the body.

I think it's obvious the infection is right back in the incision again. My plastic surgeon hasn't seen it and I know he is going to be in shock. Everytime I look at it I suck in my breath - it's awful to see. I'm anticipating it bursting open at any time. I honestly don't understand or comprehend why it's happening. It looked so good and then each day started looking different. I'm sure I'm going to end up in some medical journal. I will see the surgeon and the oncologist on Tuesday. At this point I'm not sure what the plan of attack will be for next week. Chemo treatment number 5 is scheduled for this Thursday, June 11th.

It's probably been the hardest emotional week for me so far. It was hard going to the chemo room for five straight days. You see different patients and hear their stories. Leslie took me on Wednesday and we met a lady there. I don't want to go into her story, but I got in the car and told Les that I just wanted to cry. Her story stripped away all my hope. I've really struggled since then. I wish you could be in private rooms during your treatments. I don't know how the chemo nurses do it.

Leslie did brighten my day by bringing me the coolest "doo-rag" she picked up in St. Maarten on her recent cruise. It's so comfortable and absolutely beautiful. It was a hit in the chemo room on Thursday. I'm going to try and sew one like it. OK, now I have Leslie and Lynn who know I have no sewing ability laughing. It can't be any worse than the first scarf I tried to knit in New Zealand - could anything be as bad as that?

After my last treatment on Friday, I had Jim take me to run some erands. I just needed to be out. The walls of the house are starting to close in. When we were out I received a phone call from my friend Kim which brought news that has just broken my heart. My sweet friend Pat Morris husband was killed in a motorcycle accident. It's the news you just can't believe. Pat and John have been so supportive during my struggle with breast cancer. I can't even begin to list all of the things they have done for us - even for the kids. They have both been such an inspiration to me on how to make your family a priority. Pat is trying to be so strong and I long to be there with her. When her and I talked on Friday she told me to make sure I hugged Jim and the kids a little longer, and tell them I loved them. We all need to do that more - each and every day. The one thing the Morris family has taught me was the most important part of the day was being together as a family. They seldom missed a day that they were not all together sharing their evening meal. It is something we have tried to make as a priority as well (even if it's fast food). Normally, on Friday's we get something out but I told Jim let's all pitch in and make something. As we sat down, we first prayed for the Morris family, and then we ate, played Bible trivia (which brings much laughter because we make up something if we don't know the answer), and we just enjoyed each other. I don't think there is anything we could have done that day that could have honored John and his family more.

“Love is stronger than death even though it can't stop death from happening, but no matter how hard death tries it can't separate people from love. It can't take away our memories either. In the end, life is stronger than death.”