Each Treatment Is Different

You would think by now, my body would respond the same to each treatment. Nothing has changed other than my treatment dose has been reduced by 20%. I was hoping that change would be for the good.

My scripture in my devotional this morning was Proverbs 17:22 which I felt was very appropriate. "A merry heart does good, like medicine, but a broken spirit dries the bones." I made a conscious effort to go in with a joyful heart and enjoy myself even in the chemo room. It continues to be a blessing to have Jim and Kellie there (and yes, she made another delicious meal for the nurses). Today, was a half day in school for Matt, so Jim picked him up and had him come see where I go and what happens during chemo.

My port is still being difficult. I had to keep my arm down, and couldn't look to the right. Each time I would forget the IV would stop flowing. I felt like I should be put in a straight jacket. It took a little longer (4 hours). I was feeling more tired on the way home than I have in the past on treatment day. For the first time I have actually had nausea, which doesn't seem possible because they give me two or three medications to handle the nausea. I know she said these last two treatments would be the hardest - I was hoping it wouldn't. As usual I am getting the rash on my face and chest so I've started on Benadryl. As I've been writing I have the worst case of hiccups. Hiccups drive me crazy.

I made it a goal to make dinner for the family tonight. I know I won't be up to it for another week and I won't have much of an appetite. It's nice just having the last normal day with my family before I start heading into the chemo fog, which leads to the chemo pit, which then leads to the three most miserable days that I can't even try and express. Sunday is the worst (or has been each time - please pray and pray).

My doctor is having me start immediately on Neupogen injections tomorrow, so hopefully my count will not drop at all and with the antibiotics I'm taking we are hoping for no additional problems with the incision. Kellie saw it today and she said it looks much worse. It honestly looks better than last Thursday. I just don't want it to open up. That whole scenario really bothers me and is hard to think about.

I guess I'm starting to go into the fog that I didn't experience last time because I don't feel like reading, or doing much of anything. Have I ever mentioned I hate chemo (smile).

Please continue to keep the Morris family in your prayers. John's funeral is tomorrow. I am very sad and broken that I will not be able to attend. Pat has been her usual loving and supportive self. I'm not sure who is concerned for each other more. We both want to take away our circumstance and pain. Our goal is to help each other through as much as we can. I know the days and weeks will be very challenging and difficult for this very close family.

In all circumstances I believe God is good, loving, and present. He hurts more than we do. One day there will be no more tears or pain. That's His promise! I pray you feel His love today. I know I have.