Weeds in the Garden

The last couple of days have had some good moments and some difficult ones. I have to keep remembering that it has only been 6 days since my surgery. Today I was scheduled to see my surgeon for her to look at the incision. We were told that we shouldn't expect to get the results from the pathologist so quickly. My incision is healing very nicely but it was the next news that effected my soul more deeply.

We learned that there were actually 16 lymph nodes removed and 13 came back with cancer in them. My tumor was measured at 5.1 cm and a second location within the left breast was found that measured .5 cm. My cancer is in Stage III due to the size of the tumor, it was found within the lymph nodes and the nodes are considered matted. The type of cancer I have is called Infiltrating Ductal Adenocarcinoma and it is poorly differentitated. What ever you do, please don't ask me to pronounce any of this (smile). There were other details that Dr. W gave me which have to do with the treatment. All of this will have to wait until I understand it more to better describe it to you. My survival will be determined on the type of treatment that will work and how I respond to it.

Well, it finally happened. I really cried.

I'm really not sure why. I've been prepared for each step of the process but this time I wasn't.

As I was crying I remembered a part in a book I read recently. The book is called The Shack. Very interesting book that I need to read again. Totally fiction but some very thought provoking ideas. I was thinking about it because of the scripture that states God collects our tears in a bottle (Psalm 56). In the book it states that He collects them in a bottle so that He can pour it over the garden of our lives. I heard God say, "Traci, you have some weeds in your garden that we need to get rid of. Sometimes, you can pull the weeds out and other times you need some poison. Those tears will be help restore your garden back to normal once the poison has done its work."

I've hated the word Chemo ever since I can remember hearing about it. I hate what it does to people. I hate that it has to destroy everything good to get to the bad. I just hate it and didn't want to have it. Well, I need to. It will be my only chance of survival. The when and how has not yet been determined until I meet with an Oncologist (not sure I like that word either). There will be many more tests to determine if the cancer has spread. I think it goes without saying that I'm praying it hasn't. It's time for me to start doing some more research.

I probably haven't processed all of this at this time. Give me a couple of days.

This blog wouldn't be complete if I didn't tell you something else that happened in the doctor's office. As Dr. W was helping me remove my many tops it just so happened that there were pieces of crackers falling out all over. I was so embarrassed. Jim says, "What, are you trying to feed the pigeons?" So, before we head off to the doctor's office again I'll make sure Jim gets the shop vac.

Laughter is really sometimes the best medicine.

Traci