The Journey Begins

This new journey has come quickly and then there are days when I feel as if it has taken so long. So many of you wanted to know the details so I thought I would start at the beginning.

In the beginning of October I watched an interview with a popular actress who was discussing her battle with breast cancer. I normally would not watch such an interview because I have trouble hearing about someone with cancer. This time I couldn't turn it off and I was saddened as I watched the pain in this woman's eyes. October is known for Breast Cancer Awareness Month. Thank goodness for me I paid attention this year. I have to be honest and tell you that I know as a woman I am supposed to do monthly self-examinations but I just haven't (if you are a woman - please do yours today). After I saw that interview the next morning I decided to check and I couldn't believe that I felt something. It was Saturday, October 4th. I probably checked it on and off for the next two days to make sure I actually felt a small lump.

On Monday, October 6th I called my doctor's office and made an appointment. The first available appointment was October 15th. The next evening, October 7th I woke up and was experiencing severe pain in the same location of the lump. I immediately thought I must have a clogged or infected gland. I can't tell you how painful it was. The next day I called the doctor's office and was told I could see another doctor on October 9th - which I said I would. The doctor did not believe I had an infection and wanted me to get a mammogram and ultra-sound. I remember saying to her, "Well, because it's painful it can't be cancer. I've always heard that cancer isn't painful." She responded, "That isn't always true." I also realized that the lump I had originally found seemed to have doubled in size. My tests were scheduled for October 14th. On October 20th I received a letter that the mammogram and ultra-sound showed abnormalities. The next day I received the call from the doctor. She wanted me to see a surgeon because she believed I needed to have a lumpectomy. Jim and I saw the surgeon on October 30th.

I was so pleased with my surgeon. Dr. W (not going to give full name because I'm not sure she would want it included) she instantly made me feel comfortable. She talked to me as a doctor and then as a woman. She explained that even though the mammogram and ultra-sound showed the lump to be 1 cm, two weeks later is was at least 2 cm. If she removed the lump and the surrounding tissue she would need to remove a third of the breast. She did not feel that would be necessary if it wasn't cancer. She recommended having a Stereotatic Biopsy. They would perform the biopsy as I was attached to a mammogram machine. I'm sure there are more technical descriptions.

On November 13th I went for the biopsy. The center and women who worked there were actually wonderful. They were very informative and explained everything in detail. When I got in the car I told Jim that I didn't feel good about the results. They didn't actually say anything to me but what they said and how they acted was different. I was really trying to be positive but at that moment I believed I had breast cancer. I decided that I needed to start doing research and be prepared to make a decision if I was told I had breast cancer. My surgeon said she would not give any results over the phone and my next doctors appointment was scheduled for November 25th.

You are never prepared to hear your surgeon say, "Sweetie, the results are not good. It is cancer." I didn't want to hear it but I wanted to make sure my mind was clear so that I could understand everything she was telling me. I'm so glad I had Jim and my cousin Kellie there. What I didn't hear they did. She gave us all the different options but because of my research I knew what I would choose. I wasn't going to mess around and hope I could beat this. I wanted to fight as hard and aggressively as I could. A bi-lateral mastectomy was my decision (with Jim's approval). After she examined me again she said the lump (now called mass) was now more the size of 4 to 5 cm. As I was leaving the office the doctor stopped and gave me a hug and said I was doing exactly what she would do if it was her. I've spoken to three doctors who believe I am making the right decision. Dr. W encouraged me because of my age to immediately start the process of plastic surgery. She already had a plastic surgeon she highly recommended and had already checked that he would be covered by my insurance. I left thinking I would need to do more research. The final outcome and treatment could not be determined until after the surgery.

I had told very few people that I was even going through this process. I didn't want anyone to be overly concerned. Making my next few phone calls were not very easy. How does a parent like to hear their child has cancer - even at the age of 42. Even harder is telling your children. The next days were very uncomfortable and I found it impossible to try and contact everyone. Thank goodness for the blessing of email and the Internet.

The appointment with the plastic surgeon was on December 4th. Once again, Jim and I were very pleased with the doctor - Dr. M. He went into great detail regarding the surgery and what I would be going through during the next year. I was also pleased to know that Dr. M believed I have a excellent surgeon with Dr. W. If you have to face a situation like this it is great having doctors like I do. Even through a terrible ordeal God is faithful.

I know I am in good hands, but it's not the surgeons I'm talking about. I know God is with me and I trust Him completely. I don't have the answer as to "why?" and I'm OK with that. All I can do is take one day at a time and pray that my experience can encourage someone else. I can't imagine going through this without God using it. It's not the journey I would have chosen but it's the one I am on. I'm not going to tell you it isn't scary. I wake up in the morning and can't catch my breath because I realize I have cancer. Some days are really good and others are very emotional. Each day is a gift and God is the giver. He will be my strength.

I am blessed!! Our families have been so supportive. Our church is the best. Our friends just give and give. We couldn't ask to work for or with better people at our jobs. Just thinking about being away from my work makes my eyes water. I am at a wonderful place in my life and I have so many reasons to be thankful - especially in the midst of cancer. We couldn't get through this without you.

I appreciate your support and need your prayers. Please pray for my family (Jim, Matthew and Katelynn) as well.

Traci