Re-Entering Life

I should have blogged this weekend because I had two useful hands to type. Today, I'm back to being a mummy again (well, my left hand is anyway). So, I'm typing with just the right hand.

My therapy last week seemed to really help. My only problem was typing (and doing anything with my left arm). I was able to check emails, but I wasn't good at responding back. Even though I will have therapy four days this week, I will try and be better. My therapist gave me a sample glove and sleeve that she wanted me to try. I'm guessing it was not the right size because it caused a lot of throbbing pain and every time I would try to wear it I also got a bad headache. She wants me to try again and wear it tomorrow.

On Tuesday, I saw my oncologist, and she was concerned about the fever I continued to have off and on. She scheduled me in the chemo room for fluids and antibiotics for three days - Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday. I was in and out in about 45 minutes. It's still never easy being in chemo room - even if you are not having chemo. I got brave and asked the chemo nurses about a few women in there and what type of cancer they had. In all instances it was a recurrence of breast cancer. I guess it taught me I shouldn't ask. Now, I understand why my oncologist is looking at another treatments for me beyond chemo and radiation.

I was so excited on Friday night to finally get to eat chicken tacos (lettuce has been on the "do not eat list" during chemo). They were yummy! Saturday night we went out to dinner with the Forrester's. Our first date night in 8 months. On Sunday, I finally got to go to church. I was excited and nervous. I feel I look much different.

I had decided not to wear a wig and wear a scarf instead. I continue to feel very awkward in a wig. I have no problem going out wearing a scarf where no one knows me, but I felt strange going to church where they have known me for years. I know - I'm strange! Every one was wonderful and very supportive. It was so nice being there again. Katelynn got to go to the youth facility for the first time and really liked it. It's the first time Matt and Katie are together. You can guess which one is thrilled and which one isn't.

You know you have re-entered life when you are free to go grocery shopping. I tagged along with Jim Sunday night. He has been doing all the shopping since February. Now, I can do it. I just can't go alone because I can't push the cart or lift anything heavy. I think Matt and Katie were thrilled they didn't have to go. While we were there I saw some of my old students from the school I used to work at. It was so much fun talking to them. They blessed my day.

Today, I had another appointment with my oncologist. She says only her "special" patients see her weekly. I know I'm her problem child. We talked a lot about my pathology reports and future tests. I asked her what my chances were for recurrence with the type of cancer I have. She said after my mastectomy and lymph node removal it was at 97% to return within 10 years. After chemo and radiation, if my next PET Scan is clear, it would drop down to 47%. Still not a great number. She also informed me that there was cancer found in the blood vessels in my chest. This is something I don't remember hearing before.

I've decided that every percentage they have ever quoted me - I have not fit into. I really stopped putting any weight into them. So, I'm thinking I only have a 3% chance of recurrence. Don't you agree?

Today, my doctor made the decision to remove my port. She is trying to arrange it so it can be removed at the same time I have surgery on Tuesday. There is still swelling around it and she believes my infection last week could be from the port and not the incision. I was prepared for the port to be in for a year, as I was told. I'm excited to have it gone. The doctor said there is a possibility of putting it in again, but she believes I need to have this one out. My chemo nurse had just told me on Thursday to keep a port in until I knew I was cancer free. Removing the port now seems a little bittersweet.

I only have 8 days till surgery. If you have been following this blog you know I get very nervous about having surgery. Each time I haven't gotten any better. I just can't wait to have this hole sewed up. The fluid coming out is very bothersome. I guess I know what to expect and that makes me more nervous. I know I'll be back to sleeping in the chair and dealing with the pain. I just keep telling myself it will all be worth it.

"Wait on the LORD; Be of good courage, and He shall strengthen your heart; Wait, I say, on the LORD!" Psalm 27:14

I'm three weeks past chemo...YEAH!! I just had to add that small, but very big statement!