Cowardly Lion

If there was a quiz on which Wizard of Oz character you would be - I know without a shadow of a doubt that it would list me as the Cowardly Lion. I'm as strong as they come...until you say the word "surgery." It's not something I'm looking forward to tomorrow. I have to be at the hospital at 7:00 am. My surgery is scheduled for 8:30 am and they said it should take 1 and 1/2 hours.

On Saturday, I was reading Psalm 33. As I was reading the chapter there was a verse on the page that popped out to me, but it wasn't in chapter 33. It was Chapter 31, verse 24 - "Be of good courage, and He shall strengthen your heart, all you who hope in the LORD." Well, my hope is in Him - I just don't know how to have courage. Yet, the verse promises me that if I have courage He will strengthen my heart. All day I've meditated on this verse and prayed that I would be courageous. I don't know why I seem more emotional for this surgery. You would think I would be running to the hospital so excited to finally have this hole fixed.

I was a little disappointed that my friend Cheryl is on vacation. I haven't had a surgery that she wasn't there. Even if she wasn't working she would come to the hospital to see me before my surgery. I know she will be praying. I'm still very blessed to have my other "angels" Margie and Dawn there tomorrow. I know they will help me in any way I need it.

My appointment with my oncologist went well today. She said my blood work that they drew last week looked really good, except my Vitamin D was extremely low. A couple of days after surgery she is putting me on supplements to get it back up. I shared with her that last Tuesday I was feeling really nauseated and for the first time actually got sick. I can't remember ever throwing up so much. One of the chemo nurses just had to laugh because I made it all through chemo without actually getting sick, and then my body decides to get sick four weeks after chemo. Only me.

I'm still running a low grade fever. I woke up with one yesterday, but I was determined to go to church. I remember a song we used to sing with the lyrics, "You'll be blessed just because you came." Those lyrics were so true yesterday. Even before I got to church. As I was driving Matt and Katie to the youth facility, we stopped to say "hi" to one of the students I had when working at the school. He gave me a big hug and wanted to know how I was doing. You could tell he really cared (and didn't care that I was wearing a scarf.) It really touched me. Then, when I dropped the kids off, another student came up to me and told me what an impact I had on his life, and how much he has been praying for me. I drove to church with a huge smile on my face.

I just love going to church. The people, the music, and of course the teaching blesses me. When Jim was done playing guitar on the worship team, he came to sit with me and handed me a card. It was made out of this beautiful parchment paper. I didn't want to take my focus off of the teaching so I put it in my purse. Once we got home, Jim asked me if I had opened the card. I said, "Oh, I forgot I put it in my purse." I opened it and it said, "To Jim and Traci, Love Jesus." It had a very special gift inside. Now, I don't think that was His signature, but I did see His fingerprints all over it. He always amazes me. I'm very thankful for the servant's hands who delivered it. I'm praying they will feel as blessed as we did.

Today, Matt helped me clean the house before my doctor appointments. Matt would have been starting back to football today, but has made the decision not to return. It was a difficult decision for him to make. He discussed his thoughts with us in detail, prayed, sought counsel from others, and spoke to his running back coach. He felt football was taking his time away from other things he wants to pursue. We told him we would support him in either direction he took. We are very proud of him. I think it might be harder for Jim though. He loved watching Matthew play and I think Jim might miss it more than Matt will. Matt's already moved on as he will be leaving for a camping trip with the church youth group tomorrow. I continue to pray God would just give Matthew wisdom and guide him on the path he is supposed to take. I've told him it's only one of many difficult decisions he will make in his life.

Tonight we're planning on having a fun filled family night. Pizza, family devotions, and then Texas Hold'Em. Well, they're having Pizza - I don't eat much the day before surgery. I'm hoping they might be easy on me and I'll have a chance at winning at poker. Katelynn is normally the one to beat. I'll let you know how I do.

I know I don't have to ask for you to pray, but I'm going to anyway. Please pray there would be no complications, no nausea, no side effects, and everything would go smoothly. Pray that I would walk in with courage and not get emotional. I hoping the pain won't be so bad, and that I will be able to get some rest when I get back home. Unfortunately, I'll be back to sleeping in the chair again. I also ask for prayer for Jim. It will be a long hard day for him. He is taking time off from work (again) to be with me and take care of me. All of this takes a toll on him.

I'll ask him to blog and keep you updated.

My love to everyone!