Zoom-Zoom!

So, why am I using zoom-zoom? I wanted it to have you visually think of an auto - for a couple of reasons (I thought I should explain this just in case you never figured it out).

First, I was able to drive to LA without having an anxiety attack. You have NO IDEA what that means to me (and my husband who has seen them at their worst). Jim and his mom were handling all the details of getting us to the medical facility, and Kellie and I were acting like kids in the back seat watching dvd's, asking, "Are we there yet?" We didn't really ask. It reminded me of all of our trips we've taken through the years. Kel allowed me to keep my mind off of things and enjoy our time. Of course we were half way there when Kellie found out that I wasn't having my lung biopsy that day. How that was missed I'm not sure. We laughed later, as she was so proud of the fact I wasn't freaking out. I'm glad she's not blogging because she would probably tell you some other things that happened that I'm unwilling to share. We laughed so hard that if we hadn't just used the restroom we probably would have peed our pants (you know we are at that age now).

My Aunt Sherrie couldn't wait to read what I would blog about concerning UCLA. I just wasn't too impressed. I saw a movie being filmed, saw some frat houses, and had the impression that it doesn't even compare to Chicago. We didn't get lost due to Judy's excellent planning skills, and Jim's GPS girlfriend, Karen. And yes, she thinks Jim owes her a necklace. Not Judy, but Karen. Jim's always talking about Karen this, and Karen, that, and yes, us Murphy's are a little strange, but we really do try and have fun regarding the simplest things. He loves that I pretend I'm jealous of his GPS.

We arrived a half-hour early. We parked, and headed to the restaurant next to the medical buildings. Kellie experienced her first Matzo (sp?) soup, Jim was starving and had a sandwich. Mom bought both of us some ice cream (I was afraid to eat), and somehow she got all the local details of when traffic gets bad, what time everything closes, etc. We were very impressed and found it so funny we kept making jokes about it all afternoon. The four of us travel very well together.

We easily found the doctor's office. I was taken back by myself for vital signs, and then waited for my appointment. I made it very clear that all four of us were going in to see the doctor or I wasn't going in. When my name was called my personal medical team went with me. We were first greeted by the intern who was there to get "all the info." I was praised for my medical binder and how prepared I was. They were even more pleased that I allowed them to retain it. After the intern asked me all the questions, the doctor walked in, and got down to business. I have to say it was a really strange appointment. I can't explain why - it just was. The doctor viewed my x-rays and CT scans. He made it clear that this was a "very serious situation" and a debilitating one.

We discussed my upcoming reconstruction surgery, which as of today, has now been cancelled. The lung biopsy will take precedent. It was discussed to try and do both surgeries together, but with talking to my plastic surgeon today, and my oncologist it has been decided to do one at a time. Considering I'm now at 50% of my lung capacity we need to deal with this first. No one is sure though, how I will do having two more surgeries.

As I was talking to the doctor yesterday, I decided to lay it all out of all the strange symptoms I've been having. The pain that I feel is controlling my life. I explained how I wake up and can't move my hands, how my wrist feels broken (even though I know it can't be), and of course explained my strange breathing episodes. He was listening. He said he wanted to do some walking tests to check my oxygen levels, and then left the room.

As soon as he left, Jim pipes out, "That doctor is really good looking. He's hot!" We all giggled, and Jim's mom said, she thought one of us girls was going to mention it, but she didn't think he would be the first one to say it. We started to laugh more. Jim said it made him a little uncomfortable. I said, "I could care less what he looks like, as long as I can understand him and he figures out what is wrong." By the end of our appointment, I think we all came down to the conclusion that the doctor himself thinks he's really good looking. I feel kind of sorry for him. I'm not sure I like have Mr. GQ as a doctor.

About 5 to 10 minutes later he returned with 3 other doctors. With my medical team (smile) and theirs we had 8 people in the room. My doctor explained that with the information they provided they believed they had a pretty good idea about what I might have. This specialist wanted to see my hands. It was really strange. He started asking me some questions about my hands. All I could respond was yes, yes, and yes. He put a lubricant over the tips of my cuticles and then used a special magnified glass. It seemed as if he found what he was looking for. He showed me some very thin red lines. He pinched my fingers and said one thing or another to the other doctors. I was perplexed.

Everyone left and my doctor returned. Of course I was blunt and asked, "What was that all about?" They are pretty positive that I have this auto-immune disease (the reason for the second Zoom). Just by chance, (that's what they said, not what I believe), they had the #3 specialist in the world in regards to this known auto-immune disease. They believe I probably had this disease before my cancer was diagnosed. The chemo would have actually treated it, but once the chemo was completed, it caused it to progress rapidly. He explained some more, but I honestly started shutting down, and don't remember much after that. Before I left I was sent to have 7 tubs of blood drawn (I know it's tubes, but it felt like tubs).

Now, this is all speculation until they can perform the lung biopsy. I've decided that I'm not going to do any research on it. I've shared with those at work what they think it is, and few other people, but until I know, it's probably silly to say, "this is what it is."

The next step is waiting for a surgeon from UCLA to contact me regarding a consultation. My doctor believed it would be before the end of the week. I'm going to try and see if they will give me the consultation, the day before the surgery, or even maybe a Skype consultation. I would prefer to go down on one day met with him, discuss the surgery, and then stay overnight at a hotel, and then have the surgery the next day. I don't want to have to keep driving back and forth to UCLA. Honestly, unless Jim and Mom are with me, I'd have no idea how to get there. Trust me, if Jim wouldn't have been so observant, Kellie and I would still be walking around looking for our car in the parking structure. We never remembered getting into an elevator from the parking structure to the main facility.

It was a nine hour day. I felt fine going to bed, but then couldn't get up this morning - literally. Jim had to physically pull me up. I couldn't believe the pain I was in. I've learned when my body shuts down - it shuts down and there is nothing I can do about it but rest. I thought I would be able to get to work, but it just didn't happen. My doctor said the only reason I'm doing half as good as I am is because I'm young (yes 43, is the new 23), and I was active before my cancer treatments. Truthfully, I feel more like I'm 73.

I spoke to my Oncologist today because I wanted to get her feed back. Once I told her what they thought it might be, she said it really did make sense and would answer a lot of my complications. It would answer why my skin didn't heal well during chemo, and the pain I've been having. She said once I had the lung disease she was beginning to believe they would find an auto-immune disease. She could hear the pain in my voice and wanted me to come in to the office and get an injection to lessen it. I was in so much pain, that I couldn't imagine driving to her office. I was just so thankful that she called, and we could talk about their assumptions. At the end of conversation, she reminded me, "Just don't forget you are cancer free."

So the journey continues...Zoom-Zoom-Zoom!