This weekend the four of us spent some time running a few errands on Saturday. Lately, if we are together it's Matt who is doing all the driving. I'm enjoying relaxing in the back with Katie, as Jim continues to instruct Matt in the laws of the land. Matt is doing great and I'm so proud of him. It has been a blessing having him drive me around when needed.
Anyways, one of our stops was to visit our friends the Beresford's while they were having their annual "Yard Art Sale." It's becoming a yearly tradition for us to visit. We visit in the garage, watch football, and laugh a lot. This time I had the privilege of visiting with a sweet seven year old who stopped by with her mom to purchase some yard decorations.
Somehow, we got on the subject of injuries (probably because Kim recently had surgery on her foot), and I noticed the girl had a scar on her chest. I asked her if a cat or dog had scratched her? She responded, "No, I use to have something under my skin where they put medicine in." I said, "You had a port? So, did I. Look, here is where mine was." This precious girl, Gracie, began to tell me a little of her battle with Leukemia. She was diagnosed at the age of 4. We talked a little about losing hair and our doctors. I chatted a little with her mom too. Towards the end of our conversation she told me at the end of treatments she got Pneumonia. I said, "So, did I." All of sudden I didn't feel so alone.
I've thought of her every day since. I was so touched for that moment of time by her strength, and courage. She will never know the hope she gave me. I will always treasure that conversation. I thank God for her and find myself praying for her each day. I wanted to hug her mom and tell her how sorry I was for what they had gone through (she had three younger children than Gracie). I just can't imagine the journey they have been on.
I think I've mentioned how it's hard not understanding why this journey has been so difficult for me. Why do others around me get to sail through their treatments with no complications? It makes no sense. Yet, I refuse to feel sorry for myself. I haven't stopped believing that God is in control (and that I have really good doctors). There has to be a reason for each and every thing that has happened. In that second Gracie shared that she had Pneumonia I was able to connect with her in a way I wouldn't have unless I experienced it. I know that suffering connects you closer with God and others who are suffering too. He allows you to take the pain, turn it into compassion or deeper understanding, and minister to someone else. There are no shortcuts in this process.
This journey isn't one I wanted to take, and there are many side trips I wish wouldn't have happened. Some of the memories make me cry, others make me laugh, some I wish I could forget, and most are embedded so deep within me it's hard to know what to do with them yet.
I'm still recovering. I'm probably more emotional lately, because I WANT SO BAD TO FEEL BETTER. I used to love the mornings and now I dread them. I can't express in words the pain I experience as I wake up each morning. My whole body hurts terribly. Once, that goes away then I deal with the nausea. When my tummy settles than the fatigue creeps in. No one explained how compromised your body can become due to the chemo (and I guess radiation). I long for the day with no pain and renewed energy. I pray I get it here on earth before I enter heaven.
Two more radiation treatments...I just can't wait! I'm praying I'll kick this Pneumonia quickly and get back to work. So many things to hope for. Thank God for HOPE and the sweet little girl who allowed me to see it in a new way.
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1 comment:
This is a beautiful post. It brought tears to my eyes (like so many of your posts do).
I'm thankful you met Gracie and I'm praying for you to have complete health and recovery SOON!
XOXOXOXO
Alyssa
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