Not As Planned

Each day I'm feeling better physically.

Friday, my cousin Katrina, who was visiting from Michigan, came to see me. We had such a great visit. She made me feel special knowing I was on her "to do list" while visiting California. She is also a survivor of breast cancer, so it was nice having someone I could ask those personal, and hard questions too.

This weekend I was able to work on a craft project that I had wanted to do for several months. It kept me busy when Jim and Matt were gone for another Saturday football tournament. It felt good to do something creative.

Sunday morning I enjoyed a few hours outside reading before the hot temperatures locked us in for the remaining of the day. I'm afraid to see our electric bill next month. Normally, we wouldn't run our air conditioner as much as we have been. With me being home I just can't handle the heat. I'm so glad I went through my surgery and the first part of chemo in the winter months.

Sunday afternoon Jim brought home a special gift from some friends at church. It amazed us how God knows our needs and how He provides. We were so blessed. It was really neat for the kids to see how God's works too.

I've been feeling good physically, but struggling emotionally. I think it's because of the decision I need to make regarding radiation or reconstruction. I was really having a hard time on Sunday afternoon when Jean called me on her vacation in Wisconsin. It was just another one of those God things. He knew just what I needed and when. She allowed me to just cry and get it all out.

I'm so thankful that I've received so many encouraging emails and calls from friends who are telling me they are praying regarding my decision and for their counsel. It means a great deal to me. I guess what I didn't make clear in my blog was that my plastic surgeon has advised me that continuing with reconstruction might not be possible due to the damage the radiation can have on the skin and tissue. We won't know for at least a year.

As of today...it's probably 90% sure that I will be removing the expanders. My surgery is scheduled for August 11th. My oncologist would like me to wait to decide until my appointment with the Radiation Oncologist, which won't be scheduled until the week before surgery because he's on vacation. She had wanted me to have another PET Scan before I start radiation, but the surgery will prevent it. Radiation will be delayed until I have completely recovered from the surgery. Unfortunately, because I've had the expanders in for 7 months, I will have to have those awful draining tubes again. Yucky!!

The good news is that once the tubes are removed I get to go back to work. Yeah!! I had a friend who said she can't believe I'm so excited to go back to work. What can I say, "I just love my job (and the people too)." I'm planning on working as I have my radiation treatments. I know nothing of what will take place but I've been told it's nothing compared to chemo.

Today, I really mourned the loss of "part" of me. You would have thought that would of happened after my surgery in December. I'm not sure why now....probably because the expanders will be removed. It's just really, really hard. Have I mentioned I'm so blessed and thankful to have Jim for a husband? He said, "I don't care, as long as I still have you." What a way to make a girl cry! Katie says though, "No more tears."

I'll give you something to laugh about...

Yesterday, I had a short visit with Joelle, who I mentioned earlier is also going through chemo. She just looks so good in her wigs and wears them all the time. She inspired me today to try and give my wigs another chance. I think the difference is that her wigs make her feel really good and I hate how I look in my wigs. So, I pulled out one wig that I bought, but had decided it really didn't work for me (not knowing it couldn't be exchanged). I love it on the mannequin's head, so I thought maybe now I would feel differently. I love the cut and for some reason this wig doesn't make me feel so hot. I can't even tell I'm wearing a wig. I thought I would wear it to my doctor's appointment and get every one's opinion there. It was mixed. Some liked it and some didn't (I liked that they were honest). I left there and had promised Matt to pick something up for lunch, so I went through a drive-thru. When I ordered my food they gave me the total cost. When I got to the window, the girl said the amount, and then the guy said something to her, and the cost changed - almost two dollars less. When I got home I checked why the price had changed. They were very kind to give me the SENIOR discount. I don't qualify for the senior discount for another 12 years. I had a good laugh over it and hope you do too.

When Katelynn got home I told her what happened and she started cracking up laughing. I told her that I was going to put it on again for her to see and tell me what she thought. As soon as I came around the corner of the kitchen she started laughing. Let's just say I've put the wig in it's box so it will never return to my head. Matthew finally opened up and told me what he thought too. My family and I agree that I just look better in scarves. Maybe it's because I just feel more like me.

My doctor says I have one more week before I get to enter back into society. My white blood count is low but not in the danger zone - by next week I should be close to the normal range. I'll even be able to finally have a salad. Who would have thought I would ever crave spinach? I hope strawberries are still in season because I've been craving those too. I'll just do a little at a time so my body doesn't go in shock.

I'm hoping to take these next two weeks before surgery to recover completely from chemo and get stronger physically (I'm really out of shape). I'm anticipating that the recovery will be quick from this surgery - I'm hoping the pain will be minimal. I'm also planning on writing some more. I believe God has used it to help me through this cancer. I wasn't sure if it really mattered to continue the One Thing blog, but after a phone call today with my long time friend Nae, I feel otherwise. She'll never know how much her words meant.

So, I'll just keep writing. Cancer has taken many things from me these last seven months, but it has given me the time to think and share my life (and heart) through the written word. I pray it was a part of God's plan.