Not Yet Time To Skip

Thank you for your prayers. I'm feeling better. The fever isn't entirely gone. If I take something every four hours I can keep it down under 100 degrees. Due to the fever my right side is now filling with fluid, which causes a lot of pain. I have no idea why this is happening. Deep down I know and trust there is a reason. I wish I could tell you that I'm not discouraged or disappointed, but I am.

My mother's day was pretty quiet. Honestly, we don't make a big fuss about it because we believe it's better to treat each one special every day - not just one day. Jim did pick up flowers on Saturday. On Sunday, when I finally woke up, Katie made me toast and tea. I asked her if she asked Daddy how to make my tea and she said, "No. I just remembered by watching how you made it in New Zealand." The table was set with a homemade place mat, two homemade cards, and a single flower in a mini vase. It was so sweet. I received several text messages during the day and even received a special card from a friend. On Friday, I was also blessed with a mother's day gift, left at my front door, from someone I have never met before (thank you Susie S). Special treats!

Last night, I couldn't fall asleep because I was so uncomfortable. I decided to try the couch instead of the chair. It wasn't my best choice. I knew if I went back into the bedroom I would wake up Jim. He already had lost sleep from the night before and I knew he was so tired. I didn't want him to have another night of disturbed sleep. At least as I laid there I could reflect on everything from the beginning. I realized that as of December 17th I will never be the same person again - physically or emotionally. It's difficult to accept and understand at times.

The complications have only made the journey more difficult. Due to the fever and the fluid building up, my chemo is being postponed another week (now scheduled for May 21st). I know it's for the best. I only struggle because I want it to be over and get on with the life I had before. I realized this weekend, after dealing with this the last five months, how hard it is on my family. It effects each one of them - not just me.

My hair is beginning to grow again. It's probably only an 1/8th of an inch. Boy, is it going to be shocked to learn chemo isn't over yet. I think I have to go through that process all over again. I know it won't be so traumatic and I can only pray it won't be painful again. It just feels so strange.

My friend Stephanie B. sent me this verse this morning.
"But for you who fear My name, the sun of righteousness will rise with healing in its wings; and you will go forth and skip about like calves from the stall." Malachi 4:2

Now, most people might not have enjoyed receiving a verse that compares you to a cow. Not me, this verse brought joy to my morning. One of the things I love watching is when cows start running. When Jim and I would drive by the dairies I would always watch for running cows. Just seeing them run would give me the giggles. It's the funniest sight. Now, with this verse, I realize the cows running really does look like they're skipping. Thinking of it right now just makes me smile.

I know I'm not skipping yet, and am not ready to any time soon, but there will be a day. I pray it's on this earth first, but either way I'm looking forward to that day I will be joyfully skipping away. I can't wait!!