Life is Interesting

I always know when I've gone too long since my last blog. The emails and calls start coming.


I'm feeling much better. I had a few bad days, but for the most part good. Some days I only felt bad for a few hours. The weekend was actually the hardest. Monday, I was able to drive but was exhausted at the end of the day. I had to run an errand that I'm not sure I'm comfortable sharing, but I always think maybe it will help someone else who might experience the same thing, and then they'll know what to do. So here it goes...because of the surgery I have one expander that is filled and one now that is completely flat. I would not feel comfortable if I had to go out in public. So, I had to get fitted for a bra that fits one side and then I will have to stuff the other side. I think it is very funny. Enduring the fitting process was not. I was so sore after the fitting that I had to use ice packs on and off for the rest of the day. Jim was so sweet that after his very long day of work, he still left the house again and treated me to some frozen yogurt. Yum!! I don't think it's the steroids that are causing all my weight gain.

Tuesday, I had my appointment with the Oncologist. She was considering delaying my next chemo treatment another week, but I convinced her into having it this Thursday, May 14th. Now, I know I've gone crazy when I am asking for a chemo treatment. I just didn't feel it should be delayed any longer. I personally believe unless she is going to delay it until my incision is completely healed, one week isn't going to matter. I left her office thinking, "Have I done the right thing?" I called Jim and Kellie and asked what they thought, they both said they would think it over. The next day Jim told me to call the plastic surgeon and ask him. Dr. M said that if I waited the incision would be healed 20% more but it still wouldn't be completely healed for 5 to 6 weeks. He believed that waiting another week would be good but it probably wasn't the best in fighting off the cancer. No matter what, neither doctor is sure what is going to happen with having the chemo. I'm continuing to trust that it will be OK. I know nothing has gone well concerning my treatments so far (as my Oncologist continues to remind me), yet I continue to hope for the best. I still hate the thought of chemo. My eyes tear up just thinking about it. I know the next two months are going to be very difficult. I'm going to take one day at a time and rely on God to give me the strength.

I just always think...what I'm going through isn't any harder than so many are facing? My story just relates to me. Our prayer list from church this week asked for prayer for a 10 year old girl, Hannah, who is going through breast cancer. My stomach instantly got upset. I hurt for this girl and her family. I've never met them but you can't help feeling connected in some way. Her parents are blogging too and you can read Hannah's story at www.ourlittlesweetpea.com. Please keep her and your family in your prayers. Hannah had a mastectomy yesterday and will be going through chemo treatments.

Yesterday, was a really good day physically for me. I felt 100% again. My poor body thinks it's done with chemo and I actually had to shave my legs. Who would ever have ever thought that would be a joy? I told Jim I will never complain about shaving again - it means I have hair! Now, with starting chemo again next Thursday, I'll probably lose my prickles on my head. I only hope I don't get all that pain again.

My dad was in Corona running some errands so I got to see him. It was a special treat. Our lives are so busy that we seldom get to see each other. I knew I was going out shopping so I'm glad I had my wig and some make-up on. I don't know about my dad, but I have friends who are afraid to see me. They're uncomfortable knowing I'm going through chemo. I probably hurt more for them, than I allow it to hurt me.

Leslie took me around yesterday to run some errands. It was great to be out and have fun just spending time together and talking. I probably have learned to treasure things more through this journey. Unfortunately, it has caused me to be germ phobic. After each store I was using my hand sanitizer. I was telling Leslie that I feel like that character Monk on TV. I honestly want to wear a mask but then everyone would look at me and think I have the Swine Flu. What was even funnier, by the end of our errands I had Leslie asking for the hand sanitizer. I had told her those debit machines are the germiest (a word I made up) things you can touch (I also told her that menus are too, because they never get cleaned- yuck). I'm probably going to cause a boost in the sales of hand sanitizer.

I think as you have walked this journey with me, you've learned how my life can get very interesting. I've always said, "Never a dull moment." Well, I don't think your going to believe what is the latest in the chapter of our lives. After I went to pick up the mail yesterday, I opened a letter that looked like junk mail, which it was, but it was regarding dealing with handling the foreclosures of property. I thought, "I wonder if this property is under going foreclosure?" I decided to call my sister-in-law Jamie and have her check the property. Guess what? Yes, the house we are living is going through pre-foreclosure. I called the landlord who verified the information but says they are going through a loan modification - who knows if it's too late?

At first, I have to say I started to shake. I thought how in the world do we move in the midst of going through chemo treatments? I can't even vacuum due to my chemo port, how can I pack up a house? They've told me the next three months are going to be the hardest in my treatments. How do you move during this time? Well, I don't have any answers and who knows if we will actually have to move? We were in the process of looking to buy a house before we found out about my cancer and knew we would have to put that on hold. I kept telling Jim and the kids, "When the timing is right to look for a house, God is going to bless us with the perfect one. I just know it." I don't know what is going to happen? All I know is that during the night I had this amazing peace come over me. God is in control. I'm sure for most, it wouldn't seem like it, but it's what I believe.

Our Katie girl before going to bed, said, "It's kind of exciting. We are ready for a new adventure." I like her spirit. I'm really not the adventurous type, but God has taken us on some amazing adventures the last four years - I guess were not done yet!