Getting There

"The voyage of discovery is not seeking new landscapes but in having new eyes." Marcel Proust

Katie has this quote on a poster in her room and it just stuck with me today. I've desired new landscapes lately, yet I realize it's not "what" I'm seeing, but "how" I'm seeing things that really matter.

I'm slowly recovering. As I mentioned, this time was harder than expected. I saw my oncologist on Tuesday and she wasn't surprised by this. She said my body kind of went into shock. It thought it was done and then we hit it again. She was very pleased that we waited to allow the incision to heal. So far it is looking good (the bandage hasn't come completely off yet). For the first time in five months I was able to lay on my right side - it felt great. My white blood count was at 5.0. She is waiting a week to see if my counts will stay level or drop before she determines if I will need additional injections. It's all a guessing game again.

Tuesday night I had a really bad time. I spiked a temp and just was shaking for two hours. It was really scary. We have no idea why it happened and I hope I never experience that again. No one was home and I wasn't even capable of calling anyone. I needed one of those life alert buttons. It's never a dull moment. I keep telling you that and I'm sure you are starting to believe me.

Wednesday I woke up to a very scary sight. When I looked into the mirror I had two caterpillars above my eyes. I think someone put miracle grow on my eyebrows. During the night - poof - they grew in all at once. Of course, someone forgot to put them on my eyelashes because now they have completely disappeared. I looked like a freak show. I did what every freaked out vain woman does...ran to my beautician. Jackie saved the day again. She couldn't believe it either and we had a good laugh. Within minutes she had me looking much better. Notice I didn't say normal. There is nothing normal about what chemo does to you and I'm far from looking anything close to normal. Katelynn has been away this week at 6th grade science camp and I'm glad I got this taken care of before she gets back tomorrow or should would have thought a science experiment at home went terribly wrong.

Maybe you can tell I've had some highs and lows this week. I've learned that chemo can be just as hard on you emotionally as it is physically. I've had to battle a lot this week with my feelings. I'm trying to keep everything in perspective. I've had to remind myself that the physical can mess with the emotional. It's a really hard battle some days. The important thing is that I'm learning.