Lose A Week - Gain A Year

I've lost another week. Time flies when you feel awful. I just need to remember that in losing a week to chemo I am gaining a year without cancer (and hopefully many more).

I know that for each person who has chemo their experience is different. I would love to be positive and share how great I got through it. Yes, I'm almost through my second round - still not 100%. I'm finding it is very difficult to type my thoughts. I wish I could tell you that I'm strong, brave, and courageous. I'm not! I've already wanted to scream, "UNCLE!" I want it to be over. I feel so guilty even saying this, yet it is how I feel. I know so many who have it much worse than I do. Their treatment is much more demanding. I'm just a wimp.

Thursday night I forgot to take something to sleep so I only got a couple of hours sleep. Friday, Jim's mom came to spend the day with me and take me to the doctor's for my injection. It was the first time I ever got a shot in my stomach. I think Friday went better than last time. I had hoped the weekend would be better too. Unfortunately, by Friday evening my body started falling into the black hole. It is the weirdest feeling. I really don't remember Saturday other than just wanting to cry. Sunday was the same except by the evening I was in a lot of pain which only brought more tears. The pain didn't leave until Tuesday morning. I remembered that they told me the injection would cause discomfort because it is doing something with the bone marrow to increase the white blood cells (good technical info, huh?).

Yesterday, I was able to start eating regular meals, just in small portions. It was such a beautiful day yesterday that I bundled myself in a blanket and sat out in my Adirondack chair for an hour. It felt wonderful. It was so healing just to feel the warmth of the sun and breathe in fresh air. I told Jim that I wish during my recovery week from chemo that we were by the ocean or a lake.

Today, my fever is back (99.6). I haven't had a fever in days and thought it was over. I'm a little nervous to have the same experience as my last chemo treatment. I see the doctor on Thursday. My plan for the week is just to rest (trust me I can't do much else) and pick up the kids from school. As long as the fever stays down I know each day will get better.

I'm so thankful for every one's prayers.