Her surgery went very well. She said the morning procedure before the surgery was far worse. They had to insert wires into the site (I have to say I'm not sure it was where the lump was or the lymph nodes - I'm thinking lymph nodes). They did this by putting the wires through needles as she was attached to a mammogram machine. Just the thought makes me cringe. She then had to wait with the wires inserted for several hours until surgery.
Surgery was delayed 45 minutes and lasted almost two hours. They tested two of the lymph nodes briefly and they were clear. They will send everything to pathology to check in detail. The doctor says it usually takes 4 to 5 days. As I mentioned before the results will determine the treatment.
I was able to talk to her this morning. She sounded good but tired. I know having the surgery behind her is a relief. Now she gets to rest and wait. One is easier than the other.
This breast cancer thing is so strange. It is so different per person, doctor, and facility. When Judy was explaining the wire procedure I prayed silently and thanked God I didn't have to go through that. We each have our own journey.
This last round of chemo has had it's ups and downs. Friday around 3:30 the darkness started rolling in. I had so much pain in various places. I think it might be due to the Neupogen. Saturday was by far the worse I've experienced. I just can't explain how I felt. There are no words to describe it other than the deepest darkness I've ever experienced. By Saturday night I just cried. I told Jim I loved him and the kids, but I was done. I was NOT going through chemo again. He just kept telling me, "Trace, it will be better tomorrow." I didn't believe him or I just couldn't imagine how it would be (maybe I need to read back through the blog and see what I've written before.)
Sunday morning I woke up and the darkness had lifted. I was actually able to function. I waited and rested while Jim & Katie were at church. All I wanted was a shower. Showers have become very difficult - with my arm, my wound, and my hair falling out - it's just not easy. There is no way I can shower without Jim home because he has to help with the dressing and bandages. It's so hard that I can't do things on my own. The wound is becoming very painful - please pray for it to heal...even in the midst of chemo. I'm in no way giving up on a miracle.
Each day has been different. Sometimes I think, "Gosh, I'm feeling good." Then an hour later I have the chills. Yesterday, I got to visit with a couple of friends for awhile, but was lousy later. Fatigue hits fast and hard. Right now it's almost 7:00 pm and all I've done is watch a movie with Matt (cars & guns - bonding time as I can get), read my Bible (the best bonding time), and blog. I guess it's all about bonding today.
I read Psalm 119:33-40 today. I am one of those people who write side notes in their Bible. Next to this passage I had written..."This is definitely my prayer today" (dated 3-30-88). I immediately realized I wasn't even married then. 23 years later the passage means just as much to me. So I decided to read it in The Message. I thought I would share it.
God, teach me lessons for living so I can stay the course. Give me insight so I can do what you tell me — my whole life one long, obedient response. Guide me down the road of your commandments; I love traveling this freeway! Give me a bent for your words of wisdom, and not for piling up loot. Divert my eyes from toys and trinkets, invigorate me on the pilgrim way. Affirm your promises to me — promises made to all who fear you. Deflect the harsh words of my critics — but what you say is always so good. See how hungry I am for your counsel; preserve my life through your righteous ways!
The Message (MSG) Copyright © 1993, 1994, 1995, 1996, 2000, 2001, 2002 by Eugene H. Peterson
I think this is why I can put my trust in the Lord with everything within me - even during these darkest times. He is so faithful to fulfill His Word. I know it's not by how we understand it - it's by His understanding (Prov. 3:5-7).
I can hold on tight. No matter what I said on Saturday I will return to the chemo room tomorrow. Please pray again for my veins - chemo is at 9:00 am. This time if the darkness falls I can tell myself...Traci keep fighting because you need to get better before your sister's wedding.
My sister Ashley got engaged Sunday afternoon. She called me to tell me and ask me if I was ready to plan a wedding. Geoff had the ring with him while on vacation with my family in Oregon. Luckily he put it in his pocket before they went on a hike. They came across an amazing waterfall (it almost doesn't look real). He told her he was going to set the camera on the timer. When he got back to her he got down on one knee and asked her to marry him just as the camera took the picture. It's a great picture and moment. I am so excited for the both of them. I'm guessing the wedding will be next summer, but I'm not sure yet. I just want to be well enough to help her.
It's good medicine I believe to have things to look forward to. Yeah! My sister is getting married to a great guy!
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