On The Fence

Last night I was just exhausted - probably more emotionally than physically. I just wasn't up to blogging. I am quickly going to update you before I head out of the house.

Jim wasn't able to go with me to see the oncologist yesterday, but I had Kellie and Jim's mom Judy with me. Both have been to several appointments so I knew they would help me comprehend the details I would be given, and hopefully help me know which direction I should take. Afterwards, I called Jim and his was more than pleased with the direction we decided.

As soon as my oncologist came into the room, I went straight to business and asked, "What's the plan?" I loved her response, "I'm on the fence with you. I'm not sure which direction to take." I loved that response because it just showed me that things are not as they seem. She is not confident that the cancer has returned. She had three (maybe 4 now that I think about it) options she was considering. 1. Not to do anything and wait till my next PET Scan (that one took me completely by surprise), but this wasn't a great option because of what was happening with my arm and hand. 2. Begin a chemo treatment that is specifically being used for Triple Negative type cancers like I have (something new they are using). This type of cancer would not allow me to lose my hair, and the one side effect is stomach issues. 3. Another type of chemo that is a little more aggressive, with a few more side effects. She would only use this if the previous chemo did not work.

Option number 4 came into play because Kellie and I explained how my hand on Friday after three days of antibiotics had gone down, but then for some reason started to flare up again over the weekend. I was so glad Kellie had witnessed this and could back me up. The doctor explained an infection could light up on a PET Scan (remember, we found this out with my lungs). She was willing to give me an IV antibiotic for 8 days - 4 days this week, and 4 days next week. She would normally do 10 days but with the holidays it just wasn't going to work out that way. The following week right after Christmas she is ordering another PET Scan to see if the area has changed (not looking forward to that again so quickly - but oh well). If the area in my chest is gone or has shown change then we know the antibiotics worked and then she would continue to monitor me (not sure what else would happen). If it hasn't then I would begin the chemo after the 1st of the year. At this time I will also talk to her about going to City of Hope.

I already started my first round of antibiotics yesterday afternoon. The chemo nurse has placed a temporary line in my arm so she doesn't have to find a vein each day. It's a little strange having it there. My poor arms.

My therapist for the Lymphedema called my home last night. She had contacted one of the experts at Stanford University to discuss my situation. She was sweet to tell me that they talked for 40 minutes and they just weren't sure what to do about me. Hmmm, that was the second time I had heard this statement in one day. I love being a challenge. At this time they want to wait a few days to see if the antibiotics work before they begin therapy. They said if they begin therapy too soon it could cause more damage. I could possibly start Friday, but most likely next Monday. My therapist knows how much pain I am in and doesn't want me to have to wait much longer. My arm looks as if it could explode (I'm not exaggerating). So, the next two weeks are going to be crazy.

I'm sure you know I believe in miracles and I'm praying for one. I'm not just praying that my arm and hand would go down. I praying the other spots will be gone as well. Last night, Jim and I went and prayed with our elders of the church. We are just so blessed to have the church we are in and to have these men believing right along with us that God is going to do His work. He tells us to have faith and to ask, and so we are. This morning I was able to make a fist with my left hand again. I will take small things one day at a time.

I need to run...I feel I have so much more to share but I need to get to the cancer center for my treatment and then off to work.

Please forgive me that I have written this so quickly. I'm sure it is filled with errors, and I pray my thoughts were clearly written.

Let's all believe in a miracle together! I mean come on it's Christmas time when we celebrate the most amazing miracle of all time.

I'm believing!!