The Dreaded Boat Ride

I’ve had so many people check –in with me to ask, “When is your PET scan?” Well, it’s been finally approved and I’m off to sea at 11:00 am on Thursday (August 5th). I say that because I’ve described the PET scan as a 3 hour awful boat ride. It’s really a 27 hour journey because you have to start a strict diet 24 hours before and then nothing for 6 hours prior to the test. As soon as you arrive you’re given some kind of sugary drink, wait an hour, get an injection of nuclear meds, wait another ½ hour, and then the long scan of every inch of your body…well, maybe they don’t check your toes. Maybe, they should because one of my toes is really bothering me. I really need a pedicure but I’m too cheap to go get one…how did I get on this subject?

Anyways, once again I’m nervous. I know this has to be normal. Maybe it’s because I haven’t felt well. I’ve heard others say that every time you have an ache or pain you immediately think it must be cancer. Heck! I haven’t been pain free for 20 months now. I was even whining this morning to Jim that it’s almost been a year since my last chemo (doesn’t feel that long), and I still don’t feel good. Oh…I just don’t want to talk about this anymore.

I guess that’s why I haven’t been blogging. It’s so hard to think and talk about it anymore. I want to be on the other side of all of this - helping other women and being the one encouraging others. Yet, to be honest, even when I talk to others I think to myself I don’t want to belong to this club any more. This last month has probably been one of my hardest emotionally during this journey. It’s hard even typing because the tears start flowing and the screen keeps blurring. It’s just been tough. It’s the first time I’ve feel like I’ve been fake. I’ve put that smile on my face and tell everyone, “I’m fine.”

That’s just the truth of it BUT please don’t feel sorry for me. Each and every one of us has something we are facing that is difficult. We can’t lose hope. I pray you have faith. He is getting me through ALL of this and if you give Him your situation He will get you through yours too. I know its okay with Him when we’re going through a difficult time. It’s okay when we don’t understand it all – He does. I’m so confident in that fact. Just this week, as I was pouring my heart out to Him, I shared a word that I had been struggling with. A word that isn’t typical in my vocabulary. As I began to do my Bible study in Ruth He led me to a passage that spoke about what He was going to do in my life concerning that exact word. It was amazing.

There is HOPE – I know there is.

I would love to share briefly about some others I know need some hope in their lives. Please keep them in your prayers.

Tim (Katie’s Sunday school teacher). His cancer has taken over and is winning. My heart has hurt so badly for his wife (Kathy) and family. I talked to his son on Sunday and he said that Tim is only awake about 10% of the time. I have pleaded and begged God to do a miracle in this man’s life. Finally, God told me, “Surrender, my child.” It’s so hard understanding all His ways.

My Aunt Joyce. She has been patiently waiting for a lung transplant. She got the call July 15th that they had a lung. Her surgery was July 16th. She is doing very well and is expected to be released from the hospital this week. I talked to her Sunday and she was glad to have her draining tubes out. I know she is very nervous about leaving the hospital so please pray for this transition.

The donor’s family. I’ve thought about this family every day since my aunt’s surgery. I’m so thankful that this 27 year old woman decided to be an organ donor if anything ever happened to her. When I saw my aunt on July 25th she shared that she was also praying for them. We don’t know any other details (well at least I don’t). One of my favorite movies is “Remember Me.” There is a classic line in the movie when he explains that he knew his daughter’s heart donor would have to be very special if it’s was going to feel at home in his daughter’s body. I’d watch it right now and give you the exact wording but my Aunt Joyce has the movie. I pray for their loss and am so thankful for their gift.

Jim’s grandfather - Robert. He hasn’t been feeling well, and has been so strong in taking care of Jim’s grandmother – Mildred. They found out that he has Bladder cancer. He has also been having problems with an enlarged prostate. He had surgery to remove as much as the cancer as they could (at the time they only knew it was a tumor – not cancer). He is waiting to have prostate surgery next before seeing an oncologist. This man is amazing. If you don’t remember - he survived West Nile Virus at the age of 90. He is 92 now. I’m praying he will be healthy by September because they have a cruise to Mexico scheduled. They’ve been married 72 years and love each other still so much. His grandmother has her own issues, so pray for them both.

Jim’s Aunt Joyce. I believe it’s been two weeks since she found out she had a heart attack. After all the tests the doctors believe they can treat her with medication and she won’t require surgery. I know it was very scary.

My co-worker Alyssa. She has been off work on disability due to a compressed disc in her neck that was causing dizziness and nausea. She has been going through therapy to see if they can give her relief. The last time I talked to her she didn’t sound well. The therapy aggravates the issue.

Our friend Steve. He has recently been diagnosed with Prostate cancer.

Several friends and finances. We have a few friends who are in jeopardy of losing their homes – all due to job situations. It’s hard feeling helpless.

A couple dear friends letting daughters go. One to college and the other to marriage- both are several states away. I can feel their sadness.

I could go on and on. These are the ones that are touching my life right now. I’m sure you have a list of your own. Every week when I get our church’s prayer request list my heart just breaks.

Life is hard no doubt about it.

Now…you’re wishing I didn’t blog.

I encourage you to fill your life today with something that brings you joy, makes you smile, or even brings deep laughter. Today is what we are supposed to live for.

My day is almost over so I’ll just imagine myself on a beach…can you hear the Beach Boy’s song Kokomo……off the Florida Keys there's a place called Kokomo that's where you wanna go to get away from it all…Aruba, Jamaica ooo I wanna take you to Bermuda, Bahamas come on pretty mama Key Largo, Montego baby why don't we go Ooo I wanna take you down to Kokomo.

Yep…I got my mind thinking of Aruba…of course that might mean another 3-hour boat ride. That’s a boat ride I might just look forward to.