Stepping Up

What a week! It's been a good one. I just ask, if I write that, you don't stop praying. Every time I tell you I'm doing good, for some reason you stop praying and then the next week I'm struggling again. If anything I've learned on this journey it's the fact I need your prayers.

I've had one full week.

Last Friday evening I had the joy of deep, wonderful, sweet laughter. My friend Heather from Ohio visited again (she stopped by a year ago). She brought her husband, Tom, daughter Taylor, and our precious friends Denise and Craig Correll. Heather and I used to spend our summers together when we were in our teens. Those were the best memories. I miss those carefree days. I went to bed with the worst kind of stomach ache, but the best kind too. It was from laughing so much. I didn't want the evening to end.

I've had a huge "To Do" list each and every day. The Relay has been keeping me busy with taking T-shirt orders, and thanking everyone for their wonderful support. I spent Tuesday catching up on shopping for birthday gifts, upcoming showers, father's day, and graduations. May & June are the hardest for us - it's as bad as Christmas.

Wednesday I took a huge leap of faith. I started a women's summer Bible study with our church. I feel like I've been out of the loop for so long and wanted to reconnect with the women. I just wasn't sure (even now I'm still on the fence) if I can work five days a week, plus attend a night time study. I just don't have my energy like I use to. I was pleasantly surprised to have four women in my group that I know and love very much, plus four ladies I've never met before. I was so nervous to go even though we've been going to Olive Branch for 15 years. I have a lot of reservations spending time in a place were I left a part of my heart at (they meet in the school classrooms). I can't explain it but it's just hard to walk the halls (that's probably a whole other blog, and one that I probably will never truly share). It's ironic that I had led the women's ministry for a few years, but now am so introverted.

This study is about taking a new journey, as we are studying the Psalms of Ascent. I can't tell you how much I have already been blessed. I know I use that word all the time, but I don't know what better word describes how I feel. If I come up with one I'll let you know. We have been encouraged to memorize Psalm 121. I had been memorizing 2 verses a month. This will put me up to 4 verses in June and 4 verses in July. My brain is going to explode. I was having trouble getting my May verses completely to memory. If you see me walking and talking to myself, I'm not going crazy, I'm just trying to get this brain to kick in and work.

I think I've shared that I'm really having trouble pronouncing words. There has always been a few but now there is enough to make a book. We had a good laugh at work because I came across my Resume. The first bulleted item listed is: Strong verbal and written communication skills. What am I supposed to put down now? "Weak verbal skills - you'll never know exactly what I'm trying to say." I'm thinking about revising it just for the fun of it.

On a more serious note, on Thursday, Matt drove me over to the Cancer Center to pick up paperwork I need for my appointment with the Rheumatologist this coming up Wednesday. He drove, because I was completely exhausted and was having one of those strange yawning episodes. As soon as I got in the car I immediately opened up the envelope to check my latest blood test results. I instantly wanted to throw up. My tumor markers are three times the normal range. I wanted to scream, cry, and ask why? For now, I just have to leave it, and see what the doctors say. I just don't feel like this dark cancer cloud will ever lift. I apologize for those who I have seen but haven't shared this information with. I don't know what it means and it just brings me to tears. Maybe those of you who have experienced this can help me understand it. My cousin asked me what my doctor said and I told her she doesn't know I know. It's caused me to be a little more emotional the last few days. I have another health issue that I just can't share on the blog yet, and I told Jim I just CAN'T go to another doctor. I'm so sick of anyone whose title has "ologist" in it. I'm sure there are many out there who can relate.

Friday night we headed out to Anaheim to see Jim's brother who was in town for 48 hours. It gave me the opportunity to see my dad, sister, brother, and briefly my mum (they were getting ready for a band banquet). Our parents live next door to each other if I haven't mentions that before. Jim's parents had invited us for dinner because of Bob being here, but we turned it into a surprise Father's day celebration. It was fun. Unfortunately, I was so tired that I fell asleep as everyone was visiting. I felt so bad.

This morning I got up, worked on my Bible study, and then headed out for my sweet friend's daughter's bridal shower. It was just a wonderful, relaxing time. Their home, and backyard is a touch of paradise. I had to keep watching the time though because I had to get home as I had the opportunity to watch Kellie's boys while she was at work. Katelynn and I couldn't wait. We made home made play dough with them, and Katelynn had fun taking random pictures from the computer. She probably has them posted on her Facebook already. Every time I spend time with the boys I feel younger and older all at once. Kellie amazes me. We are only two years apart but she feels 15 years younger than me. I keep thinking I'm ready to adopt, and then the boys remind me I'm just too old.

I've already started my "To Do" list for next week...another busy week. Tomorrow, I have to build a Medical Binder (my first one UCLA kept) so that I have all of my history for my doctor appointment on Wednesday. So much has happened that I have to provide them with all the details. One little sheet of paper just doesn't do it.

Once that's completed, I'm scheduling a nap.

Only 20 days until the Relay...