Wind In My Hair

A special thing happened.

I was walking to get the mail and there was a breeze outside and I finally felt something that I haven't felt in such a long time...I felt the wind move my hair. It felt so wonderful. I get the biggest smile on my face when I think of it. Sometimes it's the smallest things that can make you feel alive again. My hair is only about an 1-1/2 inches, maybe 2 but just enough to feel the breeze. I tried to remember what the date was last year when my hair started falling out and I went to have it shaved. You won't believe it? It was the exact same date.

Enjoy the small things in life. We seldom do.

I can't believe it's been almost two weeks since I've blogged. I keep meaning to but one thing distracts me after another. I still haven't adjusted to working again. I'm just plain worn out when I get home. I'm pleased to say I've been cooking dinner at least 4 times a week. I think I'm doing great considering I just want to come home and go straight to bed.

Last Thursday night I had another one of my breathing episodes. Each time seems to get harder. I wish someone could explain what is happening to me. It's so scary. I felt so cold that I was sure someone has thrown me into icy water. Recovering this time took days. All I did last weekend was rest, sleep, rest some more, sleep some more...did I say I got some sleep? How can one person sleep that much? I guess a person who really needs it.

I have my appointment for UCLA this Monday, March 1st. This will only be a consultation. They have yet to see any of my tests results or doctor notes. It will be one of those appointments I absolutely hate...telling the story. I'm in the process of putting together a binder of information (it's looking very impressive) with everything that has happened since 10/4/08 through 2/24/10. I'm concerned that it will be one of those appointments, "OK, thanks for coming in, we'll look through everything and let you know." My one goal is to try and see if they can understand what these "episodes" are that I'm having and what to do about them.

I saw my Radiation Oncologist on Wednesday. He was not aware of what I had been experiencing and is very concerned. I received a call on Thursday that he would be consulting with my pulmonary doctor. He is concerned about my reconstruction surgery (scheduled March 10th). I told him that if UCLA believes I should not have my surgery I have no problem postponing. He is not concerned about the surgery itself, but about infection afterwards. He is not sure my body could handle it. It's hard because the expander is so uncomfortable, and I'm sure it's not good to have it in for so long, but I also don't want anything to risk my health anymore. Praying for wisdom from the doctors.

Please keep this appointment at UCLA in your prayers. I also ask that you would pray for me specifically that I would do well driving back and forth into LA. I don't do well driving in traffic. I feel very claustrophobic and am known to have panic attacks. It's not pretty. It's something I've struggled with for years. I think it's God's sense of humor to have me face another one of my fears on this journey. I just keep praying He will heal me so I won't have to go.

I'm taking my own medical team with me...Jim, Kellie, and Jim's mom, Judy. They've all been involved with most of my appointments. I'm sure my Aunt Katie would go (but she has to watch Kellie's boys) and my Dad, Mum, and Jim's dad. Maybe it would qualify for us to take the motor home. That would make me happy! My personal medical panel could meet their panel. It all sounds good to me. Maybe I could take a helicopter? (Jim would love that). Oh well, I guess I'll just grab some movies, sit in the back seat and take it one mile at a time.

I promise to blog on Tuesday and let you know how everything goes.

Oh...I almost forgot...Jim's dad is doing great. They returned from Flordia last Tuesday and on Friday he was in the hospital having three more stents placed. They found one artery was 90% blocked. Once again we are so thankful he is doing well. Thank you for your prayers. His doctors said he should be back to 100% in a couple of weeks.

I'm planning on blogging again this weekend. I have some fun and exciting news to share....you'll have to wait until then...right now I'm off to go get some sleep. I'm so glad it's Friday.