A Year Ago Today

A year ago this moment I was being prepped for my mastectomy surgery. Sometimes it feels like yesterday, and other times it feels like this one year has turned into several. There is one thing I know for sure - it's been the hardest year of my life. Yet, I can say I have experienced so many blessings during this year.

My faith is stronger and God has demonstrated His presence, love, strength, compassion, and much, much more. I learned about true friendships. I've felt the power of prayer - even from people I've never met. I've fallen more in love with Jim and the kids than I thought was possible, and I'm so grateful for the family members who have been there every step of the way.

I wouldn't be truthful if I didn't say it's also been the loneliest year of my life. When you have cancer there are times when no one can take away your pain or sickness. I think I understand the word suffering in a whole new way. I've never cried so much.

I'm not the same person I was a year ago. I don't have the energy to sweat the small stuff. I cherish every memory I can make with friends and family. Unfortunately, I'm still vain. By spending so much time with Jim and the kids I've learned more about my flaws than I ever wanted to know. God still has a lot of work to do in me and I'm just thankful that I'm here for Him to continue His work. I've learned writing is something I love to do and pray I continue to use it to bless and encourage others.

I've had a week to soak in that I'm cancer free. When we found out that there was no more cancer in my body I asked Kellie, "What do I tell people?" She said, "You tell them your cancer free." I love those words, yet it's hard to believe. I was so sick last week that it was hard to believe that I actually will have days that I will start to feel better. I know that the cancer cloud always will be hanging in the distant - at least for the first few years, but I'm determined not to allow it to darken any of my days.

I had to wait another week to see the Pulmonologist. My appointment got rescheduled for yesterday. At first I was frustrated but then I felt so sick that my oncologist prescribed another antibiotic which helped tremendously. By the time I saw the doctor yesterday I was feeling much better (except for the breathing issues). I took the week to retrieve all the films or CD's from my x-rays, CT scan, and PET scan. I typed up the dates of my surgeries, treatments, tests, etc. It was perfect because it allowed the doctor to get the whole picture of everything I have gone through this last year. I also demonstrated my lack of ability to breathe into my incentive spirometer. He took a complete hour with me. He asked a lot of questions. He explained my CT scan in detail, and seemed like he understood everything I was experiencing.

Jim's mom went with me and I was so thankful because the doctor's accent was very hard to understand. She helped to ask questions and write down the things he was describing. The good news is that it's treatable. He believes that I should see results in three weeks by the medication he is prescribing. The pneumonia has caused bronchial constriction causing compressed lungs (that's the way I can explain it - you know medical terminology is not my thing). After using an inhaler for two weeks I will get another chest x-ray and then see him in three weeks. If there is no improvement in three weeks then he will scope the lungs, but he doesn't think he will have to do that. Of course I'm hoping he won't either. I'm hoping every day I will get better and stronger.

I started back to work on Monday part-time. I'm hoping that after my breathing issues are resolved I will be able to return full-time by mid January. Once again they have been extremely supportive and encouraging.

Tuesday night we took a short trip to Disneyland to watch the Christmas parade and celebrate Kellie's boys 7th birthday. I love seeing Disneyland through the eyes of a child. Of course I couldn't wait to see the snow after the fireworks. Well...I enjoyed my time spent with my family...but I was very disappointed in the snow. Some said they thought it wasn't working properly. Maybe I just had too high of expectations. Either way it was still another fun filled family memory.

I encourage you to take the time during the Christmas season to make some memories. Even if it's watching some Christmas movies, playing a game, or baking. We've been doing a lot of this. I know we have learned that time together is the most important thing and we continue to treasure each and every day.

A year ago my life changed. I'm hoping to take the next year and learn how to make it better.