Today, I found out that my Muga Scan indicates that one of the chemo medication (Adriamycin) I received has done damage to my heart. A condition they call Cardiomyopathy. My ejection level is at 48% - a 21% drop since my Echocardiogram in February before chemotherapy. I wish I could honestly tell you what that means or what happens now but I can't. My Oncologist has me scheduled to see a Cardiologist tomorrow afternoon in Riverside. She personally called to schedule an appointment because she says he is very busy and it's difficult to get an appointment. She called today and they are getting me in tomorrow. I'm very thankful.
The Cardiomyopathy is likely the reason I continue to have difficulty breathing, and probably the reason my lungs have not come back to full capacity after the Pneumonia. I wasn't thrilled with all of this news, yet I was glad to know why I was struggling so much. It's the good news - bad news scenario. The news that was most difficult to take was that I'm only the second patient my Oncologist has ever had experience this due to chemotherapy treatment. I really wanted to cry right there but I waited until I got to my car.
After my last blog I honestly decided I was not going to blog again. Then...I was so encouraged by the comments and several emails I received that I knew God was letting me know I was to continue writing. Then I think today? Who in their right mind is going to believe what I'm facing now? My doctor is having trouble believing it, I'm having trouble living it, and I know my family is just tired of it. Are you just shaking your head right now in unbelief? I am and I know I don't want to believe it.
Last week I was finally starting to wake up with less pain and was so excited that maybe I was turning the corner. I was afraid to blog and say anything because I wanted to make sure things were on the up swing. Well, I'm glad I didn't. I woke up on Saturday morning shaking I was in so much pain. My Oncologist said it could be 1 of 3 things (honestly it really could be something else but we'll start with these three). 1) Pain still brought on my chemo 2) Pain brought on by not getting enough blood pumping due to the cardio situation or 3) Possibly now having Fibromyalgia (which can be brought on by trauma to the body). She said only time will tell. She has added an additional med for pain to see if it will help. We discussed my desire to find a new doctor (a GP). We had a good laugh as she told me I would freak out a new doctor and they wouldn't know what to do with me. She said she will oversee my case until all my complications/side effects have been addressed. Let's face it - she's stuck with me. Smile
On to some other things that have made me smile lately...
I've been starting to write again. I posted another blog on my One Thing site last week, and I'm in the middle of another one. I can honestly say that when I write I just feel alive. So, pray that I feel good enough to write. It's so important to me...even if it's only for me and my healing.
On Sunday I was able to witness one of the most precious events on earth. Baptism. Our friend Dave Barr said it best, "It's one of the most spiritual things you can experience." (Note: I know I placed quotes around this, but I can't remember the exact wording he used - it's just how I remember it). Our dear friend Joe Branchaud was baptized on Sunday afternoon, along with several others from our church. The Branchaud's and their children have become our adopted family. Di watched Katie for the first year of her life and the kids still call them Grandma Di and Grandpa Joe. Their Aunt Nae has also been very influential in the kids lives as she watched them each day at the pre-school. It was such a blessing to be a part of this wonderful celebration with them. Joe is a testimony of answered prayer (Di had been praying for him for 50 years). The day he gave his heart to Jesus was the biggest celebration here on earth as there was in heaven. The coolest part of the baptism was his own son, Brent, got to baptize him along with our two pastors Greg and Buzz. It was so cool! The only sad part was that Ike and Sharon Riddle couldn't be there.
And then there was this morning's devotional. It was just what I needed before getting my news from the doctor. I'll highlight a few of the verses, but I encourage you to read the whole chapter.
Psalm 139
3 You comprehend my path and my lying down, And are acquainted with all my ways. 5 You have hedged me behind and before, and laid Your hand upon me. 6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me; It is high, I cannot attain it. 14 I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Marvelous are Your works, and that my soul knows very well. 16 Your eyes saw my substance, being yet unformed. And in Your book they all were written, The days fashioned for me, when as yet there were none of them. 17 How precious also are Your thoughts to me, O God! How great is the sum of them! 18 If I should count them, they would be more in number than the sand; When I awake, I am still with You.
I continue to be confident that God knows exactly what I'm going through and He is with me each step of the way - especially when I wake up each morning. I've mentioned before Psalm 56:8 - "You number my wanderings; Put my tears into Your bottle; Are they not in Your book?" Well...by now I might have a pond instead of a bottle and this blog is becoming a book. I have to keep saying..."In God I have put my trust; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me? Psalm 56:11.
I just have to change the words to...what can cancer do to me?
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