Scuba Prepared

First, I want to update you on our nephew. Owen did amazing. He was actually released from the hospital on Saturday. His surgery was successful on Tuesday, but please continue to pray for his recovery. His pain is still a struggle, and the area he was operated at effects the area of nausea in our bodies, so this is also a struggle. Home is always the best place to be for recovery. I know it's not always easy on the care givers, so I'm keeping our sister-in-law Jamie and Jim's brother Rich in our prayers as well.

Care givers have a whole new respect for me. Jim has been so strong, so loving, and so supportive. I know there are hours and moments that have been very difficult for him. As I have moved into Kellie's house, during my treatment days at City of Hope, she has made sure I've kept something in my stomach, and held me as I cried. It broke my heart when I realized my sickness even effected her boys. Thank those you know who care for their loved ones. I would be so lost without Jim (and Kel). I am really blessed.

It's been a very hard week. The chemo has hopefully done it's work because I've hardly been able to do anything.

Tuesday morning I was scheduled at COH for my picc line. God gave me an angel to help me through this process. When I got there she began to tell me that she had read through my chart and wanted to prepare me that she didn't believe she would be able to insert the picc line due to the past ports and scar tissue. I immediately told her she would have no problem because I would be praying for her. She got the biggest smile on her face and said I had just increased her faith. She talked me through every step and then she got to the critical part and it wouldn't go through. We both started to prayer and then the tube moved, turned, and went exactly where it needed to go. You heard a lot of thank you's and a few tears from my tech. She gave me a big hug and she said she would be praying for me. We just didn't know how much I would need that prayer later that afternoon.

My counts came out good so I was a go for the chemo. Once the go is given it takes about an hour for the meds to get mixed and ready. Kel thought it would be a good time to see if the surgeon was able to see me and check me from my surgery the previous Friday when he removed the port. The surgeon was gracious enough to come see me on his lunch break. He said everything looked good. He wants to wait six to eight weeks to allow the infection to clear up. I will discuss with him the possibilities for another port at that time and the possible location.

Afterwards Kel and I decided to get something for lunch before we would be called back for the treatment. Once we were done we headed back to the Phase Unit and told them we would be in the waiting room. I think they called us to my room within 10 minutes. I didn't get "my suite" and had to share with another patient, this time it was a man and not a woman. Kellie quickly made sure the curtain was pulled. It probably would have been fine, but later that day I'm sure they were more uncomfortable than I was.

My nurse quickly got me hooked up and began my pre-meds flowing. Once they were done they had me start my chemo pills and then started my chemo IV. About 10 minutes into the chemo drip I told Kel I had to use the restroom, which is so bothersome with pulling the stand with you. Once I got back to the bed I told Kel I wasn't feeling well. I saw my nurse in the hallway and flagged her down. I told her I was feeling flush and sick to my stomach. She immediately stopped the chemo and was going to put a call into my doctor, plus the director of the trial.

I laid down and just tried to cover my eyes until the feeling went away. It slowly got better. I had to use the restroom again (the saline IV was still hooked up). When I got up I told Kel that she had to come with me because I was all of a sudden feeling very strange. As soon as I got out of the restroom I became very cold. I told Kellie that it felt like I was having an allergic reaction like I had when I was given the platelet transfusions. By the time I got back to the bed my teeth started chattering and I began a full blown reaction.

I remember very little during that time. I remember Kellie telling me I needed to take deep breaths, and I remember not being able to. The cold and pain in my legs was so severe. I remember them laying warm blankets on me. I remember them trying to get my blood pressure, which has to be taken on my leg due to the picc line (it's so painful). I was so scared and it felt like forever before I got any meds given. All I remember was once I did get the meds - I was out. It's really a blur, so I might get my facts mixed up. I know once I was given enough pre-meds my nurse started my chemo again. I was woken up by my doctor. We talked for awhile and for the life of me I can't remember everything that was said. I slept longer until Jim showed up.

Jim met us at the Phase Unit because originally I was supposed to be there till 10:30 pm for all the blood draws. Those were cancelled due to my reaction. We decided Jim would follow me to Kel's and pack me up to come home because the blood draws would be cancelled for the remaining time. The more I'm home with the kids the better.

I know this sounds crazy but I kept putting off having to take a shower with my new picc line. Just having the wound makes it interesting, and now I have the incision from the surgery. They send you home with this contraption for showering with the picc line. Once again there is no way I could do this without Jim. It feels like a wetsuit and then there is a valve that you use to get all the air out. Jim kept calling me Jacques Cousteau. It's sad to think that this medical contraption is the closest thing I will ever have for scuba gear. It was such a hassle not being able to use my left arm and having that thing on my right. I allowed myself a good cry.

I have a call into the director to confirm what happens next with my schedule. I know I go in on the 20th and 21st. I know I will have the chemo again with pre-meds. I believe they will no longer take the 8 hour blood draws. I'm confused if I'm still part of the trial. A lot to discuss and confirm. I've also talked to my oncologist about my hand and it becoming useless. The pain this week has almost become unbearable. It feels like someone has taken a sledge hammer to it. I've had very little sleep due to the pain.

I still was up for a visit from my friend Lisa. She shared with me that she will be going on the next missions trip to Nepal. As I get more info I will share it with you so you can pray for the group. As I rest I will still be able to pray - especially for my dear little Jake (I think he is only 9 and he inspires me). Dayna and I will try to Skype or Oovoo again. I have several ladies going on this trip that I just adore.

This last week has seemed like a waste of days. Dealing with the nausea and pain has been frustrating. My Aunt Katie gave me a pep talk to remind me that these are the days to rest, and not to feel guilty I'm getting little accomplished at home. Only today I read this in the devotional...

STREAMS IN THE DESERT - FEB 14TH - If you find you can no longer do work for God, pray for those who can. You may not be able to move things on earth with your words, but you may move heaven. If it seems that your continued growth is impossible on the lower slopes due to limited areas of service, the constraints of maintaining the day-to-day necessities, or other hindrances, allow your life to burst forth, reaching toward the unseen, the eternal, and the heavenly.

It really encouraged me. As I was reading I remembered I had another day bookmarked so I wouldn't forget to go back and read it again. I think it is very obvious that even though I have this great faith, I still struggle with fear that none of this is really working (my control issues I'm sure). All these feelings are for a whole other blog. But the following devotional I need to read over and over until it sinks in.

STREAMS IN THE DESERT FEB. 8TH

"Surely I am with you always." (Matthew 28:20)

Never look ahead to the changes and challenges of this life in fear. Instead, as they arise look at them with the full assurance that God, whose you are, will deliver you out of them. Hasn't He kept you safe up to now? So hold His loving hand tightly, and He will lead you safely through all things. And when you cannot stand, He will carry you in His arms.

Do not look ahead to what may happen tomorrow. The same everlasting Father who cares for you today will take care of you tomorrow and every day. Either He will shield you from suffering or He will give you His unwavering strength that you may bear it. Be at peace, then, and set aside all anxious thoughts and worries.

It's been a battle to allow my body to rest. Katelynn asked me today why I was all dressed up. I responded, "because I didn't want to be in my pj's when you came home." She of course gave me permission.

Yesterday Karen got me out of the house and took me to the cancer center to get my picc line flushed. And then of course I asked if she would stay to visit. I did blog today...didn't want you to worry, and tomorrow I will tackle the mail.

Once again I need to tell you how much your love and support has meant. We really are getting to the time when people start to forget because it's been soooo long. We desperately need your prayers. Next week I start the next round of chemo.

I am praying we start seeing results not just the side effects.