City of Hope

It's taken me a few days to blog. It's just been hard to think about everything, but I promised to update you.

City of Hope is a beautiful facility with warm and gracious people. The doctor I was paired with seems hand picked for me. I wish I could tell you that we received promising news, unfortunately we did not. There is no treatment for my type of cancer. It felt like someone kicked me in the gut. I can still feel the pain, and at times it's difficult to breathe. I am doing everything I can to be strong & brave for the kids. I was so hoping for something more - especially at this facility.

The chemo I am on currently is making a difference with the cancer but it is destroying my bone marrow, which of course is dangerous. At this point there is no direction in fighting the cancer. I will have another month off so they can direct their attention on the arm and wound.

On January 3rd I will have an MRI, plus another Venogram (just hearing this word makes me shake). This procedure has not been a positive one for me.

I know I will get back up from this blow and begin to fight again. I know there are other alternative methods which we will seek out. I have to be honest and tell you that it's hard getting all this info coming from so many directions. I know everyone cares so much but I HAVE NO IDEA WHICH WAY TO TURN.

I have already been on my knees seeking His direction because I know His way will be the right way. I have learned this over and over again. I need to trust He will direct my path. As soon as I heard I had cancer, the first word I heard in my soul was TRUST. That was 3 years ago. I just wish I would have understood how hard a battle I had in front of me.

Right now, and until Jan. 2nd I just want to focus on my family - love on them, laugh with them, and enjoy each and every moment.