Just Words

Worrisome. Recurrence. Malignancy.

These were the words I was not prepared to hear again, and am still not at a place to believe.

Straight from the doctors report: "The clinical presentation is very worrisome for the lymphedema that typically accompanies active malignancy with invasion of the lymphatics. Several features are present: neuropathic pain, severe limitation of motion, centrifugally spreading edema that is resistant to physiotherapy. Paradoxically, the imaging studies have not been able to substantiate this dx, but there are persistent worrisome changes as outlined above."

So, the plan is as follows:

1. Three weeks of antibiotics. ("If the dx is benign, then low grade infection is very likely to be the culprit in disease resistance.")

2. Small punch biopsy of the axillary skin lesion. ("Again, I am suspicious of neoplasm.")

3. Continue current physiotherapy.

4. Consider neurology consult for the left hand numbness - with no nerve conduction velocities.

5. Repeat the CT scan with contrast, both to look again for the focus of neoplasm as well as to derive another chance to evaluate status of the stented axillary vein.

6. Review the venographic studies to determine if there is an indication for another attempt at direct venography. To be done at Stanford Medical Center.

Yes, that means more tests! But, I'm okay because I still believe it will show no new recurrence. My doctor confirmed that no tests have proven positive of a recurrence thus far.

I guess I should of explained to the doctor at Stanford that he needs to think out of the box - especially if I'm in the middle of it. I am going to be his challenge.

The doctor at Stanford gave me a full 75 minutes of undivided attention. I continue to be so thankful that I was given his time and my case is before one of the best doctors in lymphatic research and venous disorders. It was so worth the 16 hour drive. He did tell me the next time I get to fly.

This was the BEST I've ever done on a road trip in many years. I keep reminding Jim. I think he should send me flowers or something....just kidding, honey! Maybe I should have sent you flowers for all the other trips.

It was obvious I was covered in prayer. No doubt about it.

Jim and his dad took turns driving. I introduced Judy to the joy of watching movies (or old TV shows) while traveling. She couldn't believe how quick the time went by. I will be honest...I slept for most of the trip on Sunday & Monday - even during movie time.

Sunday evening we drove 20 minutes past our destination to visit Jim's brother Bob and his wife who live in Mellbrae. We had a wonderful dinner (Gisela is an amazing cook), and of course lots of laughs. It made the trip special. We wish we could have visited longer. We want to take the kids up there soon. Maybe on our next Stanford road trip...then maybe flying sounds better. I don't know. They have me really worried to fly with my arm even though the doctor said it was okay. Oh, well not a decision that needs to be made tonight.

Tonight I'm making sure we are ready for Matt's 18th birthday celebration. Parties are not my thing. Thank goodness for family and friends who are helping me. My focus must remain on him for the next 4 days. Sunday I'll rest and then next week back to the grind of taking care of my health issues.

The words I'm focusing on: Rest. Healing. Celebration.

They might be just words but there is power in them, and there is power in the One who gives them to each of us.

Share some of the words you are focusing on....