Looking Back

“Faith when walking through the dark with God, only asks Him to hold His hand more tightly.” Phillips Brooks

I just finished reading my last post because I couldn’t remember what I had wrote. I’m so sorry for all the typos. I guess the meds were a lot stronger than I thought, or I was typing in the dark - smile. I’m so grateful that you would continue to want to read something that is so poorly written. I’ve been working on this blog for days…so I’ve actually been trying to update you…it’s just taken a lot longer than I expected.

My recovery has been going really well. Some days have been better than others, which I think is typical when you are recovering from surgery. Each and every day though, I have felt much better. I really thank you for your prayers. I know they have been working.

I had started taking some medicine to break up the junk in my chest, but it was causing me not to sleep well. I was then afraid to sleep during the day because then I would be awake all night. I’ve had a couple of days that I’ve just stayed in my pj’s all day. I personally wish I could stay in them all day, every day, but I want my family to think I’m making progress.

Wednesday, I had another appointment with my Pulmonologist. I hope you are sitting down when you are reading this. He believes my lung disease is reversing. He heard no crackling in my chest and even though my lungs still stick a little bit when I take a deep breath, it has greatly improved. I’ve prayed (maybe more like pleaded) that if God would heal me I would give Him all the glory! I asked the doctor how it could be possible that my lungs are getting better without any type of medication. He responded that he believes my body is repairing itself. I told him that I do believe being on the antibiotics has helped me these last two weeks because I noticed I started to feel better a few days after taking them. He didn’t agree because all the tests show that what I have (the NSIP Fibrosis) should not be a condition that antibiotics would respond to. He told me that he doesn’t want to see me for six months, unless I turn for the worse. Isn’t that exciting?

He is having me start my own type of pulmonary rehab at home, while I am recovering from this last surgery, for the next four to six weeks. If there is a difference in my breathing capacity, than I won’t actually have go to a facility for the rehab. I know going would probably help me more, but it would also be an inconvenience. I don’t want to take that much time off of work again. All we can do is wait and see how it goes. Maybe I’m finally learning how to be patient.

I had cut back on my pain medication for the overall body pain and felt like it was working until I could barely move on Thursday. I’m really not taking that much but I wish I wasn’t taking any at all. I’ve been taking three a day but I had cut that in half, so it went down to 1 ½. Let’s just say that’s not enough. I still have my referral to the Rheumatologist so I’m hoping I will learn what could be causing all the pain.

The good thing though is because I was hurting so bad and couldn’t move, it gave me time to look back at the journal I’ve been writing in since December 08 (I also got to stay in my pj’s till noon). Sometimes looking back isn’t beneficial. If you’ve been on this journey with me since the beginning you know there has been a lot that hasn’t been good. As I read there were memories that were very painful. Yet page after page I was so encouraged by the scriptures and insights that God had given me through this whole, what should I call it – “ordeal.”

“The very trials that threatened to overcome you with discouragement and disaster will become God’s opportunity to reveal His grace and glory in your life, in ways you have never known before.” From Streams in the Desert – May 27th

This quote says it all. In ways I could never imagine God has revealed Himself and His mercy to me over and over.

I was also reminded of the support and love that Jim poured over me. I decided to write him a special thank you that I’ve inserted on his Relay for Life page. You can read it at: http://main.acsevents.org/site/TR/RelayForLife/RFLFY10CA?px=14348469&pg=personal&fr_id=20360 I will be writing more on the Relay soon. It is only 63 days away.

Today, Sandy and I completed the So Long Insecurity book with a very special event. Beth Moore held a live simulcast from Woodstock, Georgia. 86 churches or colleges participated, and there were 300,000 women who attended the various locations in North America. I was so concerned that I wouldn’t be able to attend. We had purchased the tickets way before we knew that my surgery was only going to be ten days before the event. Fortunately our location was in Yorba Linda, just a half hour away.

I was able to go, and it was so worth it. There is too much to share in this blog regarding our experience today. One of the personal cool things that happened was that I was able to sing. I’m not saying that I was able to sing well, but I was actually able to sing out loud. Since my breathing issues I’ve only been able to sing silently. I did have to sit down after awhile because I got a little light headed, but it was obvious that there has been improvement in my lungs.

I’m beginning to believe that this journey really is close to coming to an end.

I had promised you that I would continue to blog, as long as I didn’t have to talk about my health anymore. I’ve decided to continue with this blog address until the Relay is completed. By then it should be clear if my lungs are truly healing, and it’s possible that I might even be released back to work full-time.

I’ve decided to design a new blog that I will begin using after the Relay. I have some fun ideas and hope it will become even more interactive – even if there are only a few who continue to read. I will continue to post devotionals and encouraging messages on my One Thing blog – which by the way I just posted a new one yesterday. You can click on the link to the right if you want to read it.

I’ve learned in the last 18 months that writing has been my healing tool. I still have a lot of healing to do so I plan on continuing to write.

On Monday I return to work. It’s always an adjustment for my body. Please continue to pray that I remain healthy and have no setbacks. Its nice returning knowing there is no surgeries or treatments planned for the future. I only have doctor appointments, and I believe those will soon start being stretched farther apart.

Looking back had its benefits this week, but I finally feel like I get to look towards the future. It’s the first time I’ve felt this for a very long time. It feels good. I know I just need to take one day at a time. I’m looking forward to church tomorrow.