The Little Hummingbird

Yes, it’s done! The final stage of my breast cancer has been completed. I know I need a couple of weeks until I’ve recovered from surgery to relish that it’s done. Jim was so sweet when we got home he whispered in my ear…"it’s over." I told him, “I know but I feel so sick right now that I can’t celebrate that fact.

Having my surgery scheduled at 1:00 pm was so strange. The morning did go by quickly though. The day before when they called me at work to give me all my instructions they told me that my favorite nurses weren’t working on Wednesday. So, I was a little disappointed. When we walked into the surgery waiting room I got a glimpse of the nurse that has helped me each and every time. Jim says, “I just saw Dawn.” I told him I thought that was her, and sure enough a few minutes later she called me back. She had already reserved a bed for me. It was a small blessing for me. Since the first time she failed to get an IV in me she always has another nurse come and put one in. I’ve traumatized her.

The pre-prep to the surgery always seems to take longer than the actually surgery. This time I brought in all my lists of meds, surgeries, and medical history on one sheet. I did have to explain about my new heart rate situation because I didn’t want it to become a problem. When I got there it was at 126. I always have to remind them that they can’t use the left arm for blood pressure or using and IV due to the lymph node removal. I asked for one of their writing pens (that are supposed to come off). I wrote on the lower half of my arm “NO BP / NO IV =) – Take good care of me!” I had to give the pen up. I was so nervous that I probably could have continued to keep writing.

My surgery was right on schedule. The surgery nurse came in to see me. She asked me what size bra I normally wear. I didn’t know how to answer. It’s been 16 months since I’ve wore a bra. She said she had to get one of the holsters (not a word that would need to be used for me) and it’s the first thing she puts on the table so once they finish surgery and bandage me, one of those goes on. I had completely forgotten about this since my last surgeries. The anesthesiologist came to visit to. I asked him just to make sure I didn’t get sick and I wanted something so I wouldn’t remember them setting me up in the surgery room. He requested some meds, but my nurse couldn’t give it to me until my doctor came to see me. He shortly arrived. I think if we lived closely to his family that we would be good friends. He and Jim can talk forever, “Hey, remember me here, time to go in for surgery.” The doctor used the handy dandy pen to write on me. He decided to do a little more work due to all the problems with the excision.

My nurse gave me my meds, Jim kissed me, and off I went. Remembering still more than I wanted to, I actually got myself scooted over on to the surgery table and remember them clamping my right arm on to the separate section. It all started to get fuzzy after that – thank goodness. I wasn’t too pleased with the anesthesiologist for two reasons 1) I remembered and 2) I woke up nauseated – which was the first. At the end of the day though, I have to thank him that I’m up and typing to you right now.

The worst thing is to wake up sick to my stomach and in pain. The best part is to hear a sweat voice you know but in your mind know shouldn’t be there. My dear friend Cheryl who is a nurse there was off and had planned on being there before I went into surgery. She got my times wrong, so she was with me for a short time during my recovery. She will never know how much it meant to me. Waking up after surgery is always a little scary (at least for me) and to have her there was a very special gift that only she could give me. She also brought a goody bag that I wasn’t able to look at it until my eyes focused more. It’s a thermos small back pack. It had chocolates, some fuzzy socks, and a devotional - very thoughtful and special.

My recovery nurse was so sweet to me. As always I have the issue of having to pee after surgery – I know too much info – but it’s the truth. I felt like I had a brick lying on my bladder. My only option was the bed pan (obviously not designed by a woman), I tried and tried, so she said she would have to give me a catheter. I wasn’t happy about that but I was a desperate woman. Fortunately, I started going before the dreaded deed. Ten minutes later I had to go again, and then another ten minutes more I had to go. This time I asked if I could use the actual restroom. I couldn’t believe she said yes. Instant relief. Yeah! Of course during all of this my heart beat rate alarm kept going off. It was annoying me so I apologize for anyone one else who had to be in the room. My nurse was so sweet that she said to call me a little hummingbird. I wasn’t sure what that meant so I looked it up before typing. I found out that hummingbird’s heart rates reach as high as 1,260 beats per minute. I’m just a little lower. Jim thinks it’s a cute description because the birds are so small and so active (active in the way I used to be and will soon be).

I was in the ICU recovery room almost 3 hours. Jim was starting to get really concerned. He really got nervous when a code blue was called to the recovery room. At that time he came back to the outpatient room and asked how I was doing. They told him they were just trying to deal with my pain, and nausea. I finally got to see him at 4:50. They gave me some ice chips and were waiting for my nausea to get better before they would let me leave.

The nurse they gave me at the end was asking me a lot of questions about my cancer, my doctors, and my lung issue. She shared the story of losing her mom to cancer. She shared that she thought she was so prepared but when it happened she wasn’t. Somehow it got into a discussion on spiritual topics. She said she stopped going to church because of the people, but that she still believed. I knew instantly that this was one of those “God appointments” that He set up. All I could do was share my heart with her. I told her there was only one to look to and that was Jesus himself. I told her people will always disappoint her. I told her I know I would fail her, but that He would never. Jim and I invited her to church, but her excuse was that she lived in Murrieta. I gave her the website for Andy Stanley (Northpoint.tv), and told her I would be praying for her.

When I got in the car I told Jim, “Doesn’t God know I’m all drugged up?” Please God let my words have made sense. Jim and I just giggled on how God can use us in the strangest circumstances.

Before getting home I told Jim I wasn’t feeling good. It’s hard to explain but it has been too much, too soon, for too long. It took everything to get me comfortable. I needed pain meds but I had to eat something and I didn’t feel like putting anything into my mouth. I was so nauseated. I told him we needed to blog so that I could have others know how to pray. It was easier for me just to do a few lines than explain everything to him. It was enough because I felt your prayers.

It’s been a hard day. I know tomorrow will be better, other than I won’t have my best nurse as he needs to go to work. I have rested a lot which is on my schedule for tomorrow. My Pulmonologist wasn’t concerned about me having the surgery but he did say the recovery would be harder on my lungs. It has. My prayer request would be that I could cough up whatever is bothering my lungs (NO PNEUMONIA), that the pain and nausea would quickly go away, and I would be back on my feet stronger than ever.

I just kept remembering today…after you have suffered a while, perfect, establish, strengthen, and settle you." 1 Peter 5:10 Boy did I need to read these words. I kept thinking over and over on them today, and probably will continue to do so in the weeks and months ahead.