Along The Shore

Yes...a new picture. I thought I better share this with you now because I already don't look the same. My hair continues to fall out and only moments before I began this blog it became evident that I have a large bald spot. It took me awhile before I stopped crying. What part of "You won't lose your hair with this chemo" did I miss? I know this is me, but come on already!!!!!!

Okay, now that I got that out of my system.

The last two weeks has been a roller-coaster once again. August 3rd was by far my WORST CHEMO session. They couldn't find any veins. I had asked that they wouldn't give me any sleepy juice because I wanted to visit with Leslie. As soon as Leslie heard about Jim's mom she changed her work scheduled in case I needed her. We hadn't visited in awhile so I wanted to chat. Well, after they blew the first vein and started on the second one I decided I needed the sleepy juice. I wasn't able to rest because as soon as the anti-nausea meds finished and the chemo started it burnt my vein so bad they had to start a 3rd IV. I was miserable.

The nausea and fatigue came, then went, then came again. I just went with whatever I got.

On the 9th I was supposed to have my Port placed. I had talked to the Intervention Radiologist that was recommended by the surgeon and she felt there was still a possibility that the Port could be placed in the chest area. On the 8th I had "my counts checked" and once again my Platelets were too low. I had a feeling because I was experiencing the normal symptoms. They scheduled a transfusion instead. The Port was rescheduled for August 15th (a date that I couldn't get the IR I wanted - hoping for someone really good).

Di took me to the Infusion Center. We knew I would be in and out pretty quick. We enjoyed our time talking to the nurse. I had asked a lot of questions, we talked about transfusion reactions (which she said she had saw very few), and discussed elements regarding cancer. Just as the nurse was pulling out the IV I mentioned that the room was really cold. She said it was typically chilly but didn't seem that cold. She asked me to sit and wait for a few minutes because I might be having a reaction.

I shared that I did feel cold and asked for my blanket. Within minutes things got really bad. She was on the phone getting approval for drugs. Unfortunately, she had to put another IV in me. She got it in before I began to really shake. I had Di call Jim and tell him what was happening. After the first medication wasn't working I had Di call the church and ask for prayer, I was shaking so bad and my teeth were chattering. I stayed calm (probably due to prayer) but it was by far the 2nd scariest thing I've experienced (losing the feeling in my hand was the 1st). I was given three doses of drugs before the "allergic reaction" stopped. I wasn't steady enough to leave on my own so I had to be taken out with a wheel chair.

The nurse believes that I had a reaction to the 3rd bag of platelets I was given. The first two were from the Red Cross, and the third was from one of the blood banks. Before I left I was poked again to draw blood so it could be tested with the third bag. I've learned we will never know why it happened.

Jim's parents came to take the kids out for lunch on that Tuesday before Katelynn started school. Mom wasn't feeling well due to the radiation so she stayed at the house and waited for me. Di was glad she was there because she didn't want to leave me alone. Mom and I sat and talked and kept telling each other we needed to rest.

A quick update on Judy: She has finished radiation, had the device removed, and each day is feeling better and better. She is waiting to meet with the medical oncologist to discuss future treatment. It was so difficult for me to see her go through those "really bad" days. Please continue to pray she continues to recover quickly and completely.

It took me a few days to recover from the transfusion fiasco. I was having a hard time preparing mentally for the Port. There were a few days when I felt my Platelets were low. I had a lot of bruises and bloody noses. I was hoping I would be okay because all I wanted to do was go to church on Sunday evening. I had watched the Harvest Crusade Friday and Saturday night and it only made me miss our church more...even though I wish I could have been at the crusade.

I wasn't sure I would be able to make it Sunday. It has been 13 weeks since I've been to church. For those who have never been they have no idea what their missing. I did. After resting all day I got ready, left early so I could sneak in (no such thing at our church) and sat towards the side & back. I was trying to protect my wound from getting hit from too many hugs. I don't care how I try but everyone hits the wound. It was worth it. Who knows when I get to go again. Thank goodness for podcasts!

On Monday, Jim and I stopped at the cancer center to get "my counts" before heading to the hospital for the Port. As we sat there I had a feeling something wasn't right. My platelets had came up but still way to low for the Port placement. They also had informed me that something was showing in my "liver counts" so my chemo was postponed until more tests. After everyone discussed my situation it was decided that I will have another Platelet transfusion and then immediately have the Port placed. This will be happening tomorrow, Thursday August 18th. Transfusion at 9:00 am and Port at 12:30 pm.

I had blood drawn today regarding my liver and will see how it looks next Tuesday. I'm sure if the levels are high then the next step will be a CT Scan or Pet Scan to make sure the cancer hasn't spread.

Yesterday, I was reading in my book, "Streams in the Desert." Here is what hit me straight to the heart: "Must life be considered a failure for someone compelled to stand still, forced into inaction and required to watch the great roaring tides of life from shore? No - victory is then to be won by standing still and quietly waiting. Yet this is a thousand times harder to do than in the past, when you rushed headlong into the busyness of life. It requires much more courage to stand and wait and still not lose heart or lose hope, to submit to the will of God, to give up opportunities for work and leave honors to others, and to be quiet, confident, and rejoicing while the busy multitude goes happily along their way." (August 16 - Page 314)

I feel like I sit by the shore so many days and on the others I'm sitting in some sort of medical facility.

I need your prayers like never before during the transfusion and then the Port. I just have to trust in Him. I know through all of this God has loved me.

Well my eyes are crossing...my editing is not going to be the best. I send my love. I promise to blog soon.